Fact Of Girl & Boy- Every Girl Wants A Bad Boy Who Will B Good Just 4 Her, Nd Every Boy Wants A Good Girl Who Will B Bad Just 4 Him.
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said: “I built a big house for our mother.”
The second said: “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”
The third said: “You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can’t see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it.”
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks. “William,” she said, “the house you built is so huge. I live only in one room, but I have to clean the whole house.
“Arnold,” she said, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And that driver is so rude! He’s a pain!”
“But David,” she said, “the chicken was delicious!”
Why don’t Polish women breastfeed their babies?
Answer because it hurts so much when they boil their nipples
Teacher: Do you have a God?
Kid: Yes.
Teacher: If so, can you see Him?
Kid: No.
Teacher: Can you touch Him?
Kid: No.
Teacher: Then you don’t have a God.
Kid: Can I also ask you a question?
Teacher: Yes, sure.
Kid: Do you have a brain?
Teacher: Of course!
Kid: Can you see it?
Teacher: No!
Kid: Can you touch it?
Teacher: Are you an idiot? Of course I can’t.
Kid: Then you don’t have a brain.
Teacher: What!?
Kid: You see teacher. God is like our brain. We cannot see Him, nor touch Him. But we know He’s there.
A guy sends his girlfriend who lives in another town a
letter which reads:
” I am sorry, but I’m in love with a young, cute, beautiful, sexy,
adorable, intelligent and awesome lady,
so I want us to end our relationship.
Since I no longer love u , send back my photo”.
The girl sends him a reply in a return stamped
envelope containing 50 photos of different guys.
Her reply reads:.
“I don’t remember your face. So please select your photo and
send back the remaining ones, thanks”
WHY MEN ARE SO HONEST*
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river’.
When he cried out, the Angel appeared & asked, *”Why are you crying?”*
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water & he needed it to make a living.
The Angel went down into the water & reappeared with a *Golden Axe*. “Is this your axe?” the Angel asked. The woodcutter replied: *”No.”*
The Angel again went down & came up with a *Silver Axe.* “Is this your axe?” the Angel asked. Again, the woodcutter replied: *”No.”*
The Angel went down again & came up with an *Iron Axe*. “Is this your axe?” the Angel asked. The woodcutter replied: *”Yes.”*
The Angel was pleased with the man’s honesty & gave him all 3 Axes to keep, & the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, & his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Angel again appeared & asked him: “Why are you crying?”
*”Oh, my wife has fallen into the water!”*
The Angel went down into the water & came up with *Pamela Anderson*
“Is this your wife?” the Angel asked. *”Yes,”* cried the woodcutter.
The Angel was furious. *”You lied!* That is an untruth!” The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said *’NO’* to *Pamela* , you would have come up with *Angelina Jolie *. Then if I said *’NO’* to her, you would have come up with *MY WIFE*. Had I then said *’YES,’ you would have given me all 3.*
I’m a poor man, & not able to take care of 3 wives, so *THAT’S why I said YES to Pamela .”*
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a *good & honorable reason & for the benefit of others.*
That’s our story, &
we’re sticking to it!
*MEN ARE TRULY HONORABLE!* HAVE A SWEET DAY
A woman goes to Spain to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers: “Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”
The husband laughs and says: “A Spanish girl!”
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks:
“So, honey, how was the trip?”
“Very good, thank you.”
“And, what happened to my present?”
“Which present?” She asked.
“The one I asked for – a Spanish girl!!”
“Oh, that,” she said “Well, I did what I could; now we’ll have to wait for a few months to see if it is a boy or a girl!”
Dating a 200m kids
Him: Bbe Can I see u today
Her: Tsi Tsi tsi Jooooohn Ceeeeeena tsi tsi
Him: What that now????
Her: You cant see me!!
Joburg police arrested a bloke printing fake notes. Rands, Dollars & Naira. And guess what? The Zim Bond Note
After taking photos, the photographer says to the school headmaster “these will cost $250”
*headmaster to teachers: “tell the pupils to bring $2 each for the photos”
*teachers to pupils: “tell yo parents that we want $5 for the photos”
*pupils to parents: “mummy,the teacher said
we shud take $10 for the school photos”
*mother to husband: “honey, these money hungry schools. ..imagine junior’s teacher told him to take $30 for the school photo”
.
.
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And u think corruption will end???
a dirty joke
a white horse fell in the mud
a clean Joke
it took a bath
joke
Qualities that a woman looks for in a man
(1)brave
(2)intelligent
(3)gentle
(4)polite
(5)emotional
(6)nice
(7)innovative
(8)successful…….
put all de first letters together and send me what you got…..
!!!!!!GONE TOO SOON!!!!!!
It is my great sympathy to inform u about the death of our beloved friend and well known gentleman called Mr. 2017 he survived with 12 wives(months), 52 children(weeks) and 365 grand children (days). funeral will take place on Sunday 31st December at 23 59 hrs for more information contact pastor January on phone number 01 01 2018 have a wonderful festive SEASON……….
“In our neighbourhood there was a woman who used to steal a lot,she stole everything she came accross.
One day she got sick and went to the doctor,the doctor left her in his room for few minutes.as per her habits,she thought “What can i steal?”
Luckly there was meat on a tupperware on the table and she ate all of it,thinking it was BiltoN.
When the Doctor returned,he noticed that the tupperware was empty and asked her:”Didn’t u see the Foreskins of the boys I’ve just cut This Morning??
A Drunk man is stopped by the Police around 1 AM & is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am going to attend a lecture on alcohol abuse & ill effects on my health.”
*Police:* Really….??? Sounds interesting… Who is giving that lecture at this time of night???
*Man replies*, “My wife!!!”
A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love.
The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, “I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?”
The frog asks for the good news first.
The fortune teller says, “You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you and will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her and you will give her your heart.”
“That’s great!” says the frog. “But what’s the bad news?”
“Well, you’re going to meet her in Biology class.
