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Swahlili Jokes

WELCOME TO KENYA

WELCOME TO KENYA
Where people leave as they return
“acha niende ivi nakam”….
Where the husband huitwa baby and the son huitwa baba…
Where you don’t need to go to Masai Mara to see a hyena.They are seated right next to you.!…
This is Kenya;
where a young man is called Babu Owino and an old man is called Kijana Wamalwa,nkt!
Only in Kenya where Wafula hangs on a chopper in broad daylight but denies it in court and the cops asks for time to investigate..
Where after a four hour conversation someone, as he says goodbye…tells you, “wee tutaongea.!”
Only in Kenya where you board a matatu with five people only to realise you were actually the first one, hao wengine walikua wa “kujaza”.
Only in Kenya where u pray with ur eyes open coz ur pocket can be a blessing to somebody you don’t expect.
“Where you eat Githeri and become famous and your life changes just like that.”
Where Girls handbags carry everything
necessary for sleepover except their
fare back home…
Where Men phones are like onions. If their
wives touch and look they shed tears…
Where Dark skin ladies wear black
crop_tops and red tights only to look
like pliers..
where money is like HIV, everyone claims not to have it…
Where People think of sex when it rains
instead of farming..
Where Every man approaching a lady claims
not to be a fisi..
Where Ladies bleach and forget the joints,
they end up looking like sugarcane..
Where You are forced to type ‘Amen’ on
Facebook else undisclosed calamity
befalls you..
Where You buy your chick panties your
neighbor removes them..
Whre A Kenyan girl will still ask you,
“umeniletea nini” hata kama umetoka
kwa jela..
Where Once you tell a lady that you love
her you already owe her some money..
Where Someone lies to over 40 million
Kenyans eti Eeh Mungu Nguvu Yetu
means Ooh God of all creation…
Where Yesu Nipe Nyonyo and Tiga Wana
are gospel hit songs while Mungu
Pekee is considered a secular song..
Where When you meet a lady who does
not ask for your money you think it is a
set up..
Where You have unprotected sex then get
into the car and wear safety belt like
you didn’t try to kill yourself a moment..

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Swahlili Jokes

mko sawa

Sijai sikia mganga anatibu nguvu za kike kwani wanawake wote mko sawa

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Swahlili Jokes

lodging bro

Kua smart bro kupeleka dame si wako out then unamdrop kwao ni Kama kuweka token kwa meter ya lodging bro

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Zulu Jokes

iPirates

Hlafuna kahle phela
Besho kwiChiefs idla
iPirates

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Zulu Jokes

emotwen

Mbali : Ngcela ungiphathele into edliwayo.
Mlungisi : Ngiyoyifakha kanjani iPirates yonke emotwen mina🤔😂😂

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Zulu Jokes

we-Pirates yini?” 🤔

“Ngiyezwa sisi uthi yi-wrong number, pho manje le ndoda ekhalayo lapho ingumlandeli we-Pirates yini?” 🤔

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English Whatsapp Status

Time wasted

Time wasted


The time that I’ve wasted is my biggest regret. Spent in these places, I will never forget. Just sitting and thinking, about the things that I’ve done. The crying, the laughing, the hurt, and the fun.
Now it’s just me, and my hard driven guilt. Behind a wall of emptiness, I allowed to be built. I am trapped in my body, just wanting to run. Back to my youth, with its laughter and fun.
But the Chase is over, and there’s no place to hide. Everything is gone, including my pride. With reality suddenly right in my face, I’m scared, alone, and stuck in this place.
Now memories of the past, flashed through my head. And the pain is obvious, by the tears that I shed. I ask myself why, and where I went wrong. I guess I was weak, when I should have been strong.
living for the things, and the wings I had grown. My feelings were lost, afraid to be shown. As I look at my past, it’s so easy to see. The fear that I had, afraid to be me.
I pretended to be rugged, so fast and so cool. When actually lost, like a blinded old fool. I’m getting too old, for this tiresome game. Of acting real hard, with no sense of shame. It’s time that I change, and get on with my life. Fulfilling my dreams, for a family and wife.
What my future will hold, I really don’t know. But the years that I’ve wasted, are starting to show. I just live for the day, when I’ll get a new start. And the dream I still, hold deep in my heart. I hope I can make it, I at least have to try. Because I’m heading towards death, and I don’t want to die…

My prison…
Author :Unknown to me

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