Today was my First Time I Smoked Weed,
I Saw Two Guys Wearing Matching Outfits.
I Asked Them If They Were Gay And They Arrested Me
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*My phone is very spiritual guys*
Last Sunday l went to church ,I walked almost half way then my phone starts showing “NO SERVICE” I returned home very happy I knew *there was no church that day
Thanks to my phone .
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I told my doctor that I broke my arm into two places
then he told me to stop going to those places again!!!
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Slay Queens Be Adding
Flowers To Their Heads
Paying Tribute To Their Dead Brains
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Importance Of Thumb
Babies Use It For Chewing.
Illiterate People Use It For Sign.
Winners Use It For Victory.
My Fans Use It For Reading My SMS.
Oh! You Too? Crazy Fans.
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How much money do you think
can solve your current problems?
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Ladies and their nonsense behaviours.
I said we should meet in front of restaurant and you’re already inside reading the menu ..
Finish reading and meet me outside let’s discuss.
I hate indiscipline.
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I JUST SMOKE WEED FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY BUT NOTHING HAPPENED
ANYWAY ADMIN CAN YOU TELL ME WHY DID YOU HIDE THE GROUP LAST SEEN ?
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Never tell your family about your relationship problems
because you may forgive bae but they won’t
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Read:
Not all parties happy.
– Third Party😊
Not all positive beautiful.
– HIV positive 😀
Not all 13 luck.
– 13th month pay 😁
Not all green nutritious.
– phlegm 😂
Not all test hard.
– Urine Test😇
Not all of in clothing attracts.
– edema 😅
Not all with bags come in.
– Dora 😊
Not all breaks sad.
– semester break
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My girlfriend went to study abroad and came back with a baby who looks exactly like her. I asked her what that was all about and she said that the child was given to her as a token of appreciation for her good behavior in campus. She thinks am stupid, well am not. I know she probably stole that child or something.
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A man went to Church on Sunday
and gave testimony that he was
infected with Cholera and God had
healed him.
When he had
finished, he tried to give the mic
to the 2nd man but the 2ND Man
refused to take it:
2ND MAN- I have no testimony.
Give it to Pastor.
PASTOR- I’m not in charge of
testimonies so give it to the
Senior Pastor.
SENIOR PASTOR- Brother in Christ,
the mic is yours. It’s a gift from
the Church. You may take it
home.
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Wife treats hubby by taking him to a Strip Club for his birthday😊..!!
At The Club, The Doorman Says, “Hi Wreezy, How are You😎?”
The wife asks, “How does he know you😐?
Wreezy says, “Oh dear, I play football with him🤗.”
Inside the Bartender Says, “The Usual, Wreezy😉?”
Wreezy says to Wife, “Before you say anything, He’s on the Salt Team😀.”
Next a stripper Says, “Hi Wreezy! Do You Crave the Special Again😋🍑??”
The Wife storms🤚😏 out dragging Wreezy with her & jumps into a taxi.
The Taxi driver Says, “Hey Wreezy Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time🤚..”
Wreezy’s Funeral is on Saturday
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How Zulu People Behave in A Restaurant
Zulu: How Much is The Tea ?
Waiter: R15
Zulu : And Sugar?
Waiter: it’s Free
Zulu: Ok Give Me 1 Cup Of Tea And 5kg Of Sugar
Waiter: Fainted
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A Mature Lady Gets Pulled Over For Speeding
Lady: “Is There A Problem, Officer?”
Traffic Cop: “Yes Mam, I’m Afraid You Were Speeding.”
Lady: “Oh, I See.”
Cop: “Can I See Your License Please?”
Lady: “Well, I Would Give It To You But I Don’t Have One.”
Cop: “Don’t Have One?”
Lady: “No. I Lost It 4 Years Ago For Drunk Driving.”
Cop: “I See, Can I See Your Vehicle Registration Papers Please.”
Lady: “I Can’t Do That.”
Cop: “Why Not?”
Lady: “I Stole This Car.”
Cop: “Stole It?”
Lady: “Yes, And I Killed And Hacked Up The Owner.”
Cop: “You What!?”
Lady: “His Body Parts Are In Plastic Bags In The Trunk If You Want To See”
The Cop Looks At The Woman And Slowly Backs Away To His Car While Calling For Back Up.
Within Minutes 5 Police Cars Circle The Car.
A Senior Officer Slowly Approaches The Car, Clasping His Half Drawn Gun.
Officer: “Mam, Could You Step Out Of Your Vehicle Please!”
The Woman Steps Out Of Her Vehicle.
Lady: “Is There A Problem Sir?”
Officer: “My Colleague Here Tells Me That You Have Stolen This Car And Murdered The Owner.”
Lady: “Murdered The Owner? Are You Serious?!”
Officer: “Yes, Could You Please Open The Trunk Of Your Car, Please.”
The Woman Opens The Trunk, Revealing Nothing But An Empty Trunk.
Officer: “Is This Your Car, Mam?”
Lady: “Yes, Here Are The Registration Papers.”
The Cop Is Quite Stunned.
Officer: “My Colleague Claims That You Do Not Have A Driving License.”
The Woman Digs Into Her Handbag And Pulls Out A Clutch Purse And Hands It To The Officer.
The Officer Examines The License Quizzically.
Officer: “Thank You Mam, But I Am Puzzled, As I Was Told By My Officer Here That You Didn’t Have A License, That You Stole This Car, And That You Murdered And Hacked Up The Owner!”
Lady: “Bet The Lying Bastard Also Told You I Was Speeding, Too.”
So, Don’t Mess With Mature Ladies
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l had a Fight with my Roommate .. Now he’s Watching Tv “How to get away with Murder”
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