Ultimate Thought Of Wiliam Sxfear 4 All Beautiful Grls.
Be Wid Sumone Who Spoils Ur Lipstick
Not Ur Eyeliner

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found that it is under normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
“Breast fed,” the woman replied.
“Well, take off your clothes,” the doctor asked. She did. He started to examine her breasts. He pressed them many times in different places.
Then he asked her to get dressed and he said, “Of course, the baby is underweight! You don’t have any milk.”
“I know,” she said, “I’m his grandmother, but I’m glad I came.

A Mature Lady Gets Pulled Over For Speeding

Lady: “Is There A Problem, Officer?”

Traffic Cop: “Yes Mam, I’m Afraid You Were Speeding.”

Lady: “Oh, I See.”

Cop: “Can I See Your License Please?”

Lady: “Well, I Would Give It To You But I Don’t Have One.”

Cop: “Don’t Have One?”

Lady: “No. I Lost It 4 Years Ago For Drunk Driving.”

Cop: “I See, Can I See Your Vehicle Registration Papers Please.”

Lady: “I Can’t Do That.”

Cop: “Why Not?”

Lady: “I Stole This Car.”

Cop: “Stole It?”

Lady: “Yes, And I Killed And Hacked Up The Owner.”

Cop: “You What!?”

Lady: “His Body Parts Are In Plastic Bags In The Trunk If You Want To See”

The Cop Looks At The Woman And Slowly Backs Away To His Car While Calling For Back Up.

Within Minutes 5 Police Cars Circle The Car.

A Senior Officer Slowly Approaches The Car, Clasping His Half Drawn Gun.

Officer: “Mam, Could You Step Out Of Your Vehicle Please!”

The Woman Steps Out Of Her Vehicle.

Lady: “Is There A Problem Sir?”

Officer: “My Colleague Here Tells Me That You Have Stolen This Car And Murdered The Owner.”

Lady: “Murdered The Owner? Are You Serious?!”

Officer: “Yes, Could You Please Open The Trunk Of Your Car, Please.”

The Woman Opens The Trunk, Revealing Nothing But An Empty Trunk.

Officer: “Is This Your Car, Mam?”

Lady: “Yes, Here Are The Registration Papers.”

The Cop Is Quite Stunned.

Officer: “My Colleague Claims That You Do Not Have A Driving License.”

The Woman Digs Into Her Handbag And Pulls Out A Clutch Purse And Hands It To The Officer.

The Officer Examines The License Quizzically.

Officer: “Thank You Mam, But I Am Puzzled, As I Was Told By My Officer Here That You Didn’t Have A License, That You Stole This Car, And That You Murdered And Hacked Up The Owner!”

Lady: “Bet The Lying Bastard Also Told You I Was Speeding, Too.”

So, Don’t Mess With Mature Ladies

A wife asks her husband if he is planning to
do anything for their wedding anniversary.
The husband looks at her and says,
“Where we are from,
we don’t celebrate mistakes. “

Question: “What Is The Hardest Job In The World?”

Answer: “Sketching For Police Officers In China“

The man says, “God, how long is a million years?”
God says, “To me, it’s about a minute.”
The man says, “God, how much is a million dollars?”
God replies, “To me it’s a penny.”
The man says, “God, can I have a penny?”
God says, “Wait a minute.”

Philosophy Of Life:

At The Beginning Of Any Relationship,

Every Girl Feels Her Boyfriend Is GOD.

Later On Somehow The Alphabets Get Reversed.

On the first day of college, the principal addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
“The female dormitory will be closed for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 for the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?”
One student raised his hand and asked, “How much for a season pass?”

A boy comes home after school. His grandmother asks him, “Well, tell me Jimmy, what did you do today?”
“Granny, you won’t believe it! In chemistry class we did experiments with explosives.”
“Oh, and what are you doing tomorrow at school?”
“At what school?”