No woman can control me
no woman can control me
but when she says go lock the door first
you fly like a bird

A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger.
His mother tells him to stop it as he’s liable to break something, but the boy continues.
‘Johnny!’ Mom screams. ‘Knock it off.’ You’re going to break something.
He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.
Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store.
He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it.
Mom comes in and while putting away the grocer,y gets the urge.
It’s a diarrhea run!!!
She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.
When she’s finished, she looks down and can’t believe what she’s seeing.
She’s not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet!
She calls her doctor.
The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he’ll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bath room and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing.
Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP!
The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere.
It’s on him, the walls, etc.
‘Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?’ she asks.
He says, ‘I’ve been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I’ve ever actually seen a fart !'”

{If you’re a 35+ Man}
It’s time to leave these young girls alone..
Get a woman who understands the signs of stroke and diabetes..!

Boss Calls His Employee In His Office.

Boss: “Do You Believe In Life After Death?”

Employee: “Certainly Not, There Is No Proof Of It.”

Boss: “Well, There Is Now, After You Leave Early To Go To Your Uncle’s Funeral Yesterday, He Came Here Looking For You.”

Earphones are like underwears
do you share your underwear

Kamo GETS HOME AT MID-NIGHT…HIS WIFE ALREADY ASLEEP WITH A BROKEN HEART..
Kamo :My wife, please open 4 me…
…
Wife:Where are u coming from in the middle of the night…U will sleep there outside..
Kamo : Please open or else l will throw myself in the swimming pool & drown as u know, l cant swim.
.
Wife: Go ahead & throw yourself, l don’t
care…kamo THEN TOOK A BIG ROCK & THREW IT IN THE POOL..WHEN HIS WIFE HEARD THE LOUD SPLASH, SHE PANICKED, OPENED THE DOOR & RUSHED OUTSIDE, WITH JUST HER PANT & BRA ON…IMMEDIATELY, kamo RAN INTO THE HOUSE AND LOCKED HIS WIFE OUTSIDE…
Wife: Wena kamo open 4 me, this is not funny at all…
Kamo : Just wait there, l’m phoning my relatives and yours & the neighbours, so that you explain to them where you are coming from, in the middle of the night naked…

Words you will never hear
from a Guy:
“Sorry I’m taken”

6 Reasons Why Indians Can’t Be Terrorist.

We Are Always Late And We Will Miss The Flight To Be Hijacked.

With Free Food And Drinks On Plane, We Will Forget Why We Are There.

We Will Fight Over Each Other For A Photograph With The Hostages.

We Can Not Keep A Secret. We’ll Tell Everyone A Week Before Doing It.

We Always Talk Loud & Bring Attention To Ourselves.

We’ll Postpone The Mission Because Of A Cricket Match.

I forgot to zip up my trouser, so a lady told me politely, “sir your garage is open” I gave her naughty smile as I zip up and asked, “Did you see my RANGE ROVER parked inside?” The lady smiles back and said “no just one small TOYOTA with two Flat tyres.
I’m still crying

Guys when writing a suicide note
do I greet first or go straight to the point

I don’t know who needs to hear this but
“You’re not the main Chick..!”

My mom busy telling people I can fix phones
just because I took hers off from flight mode.

If your Sibling Never pulled out a Knife on you Then you not siblings😩

If women would just keep quiet, there won’t be any problem in any family.
.
A *wife* & husband visited a farm, they saw a bull having sex with a cow. The *wife* asked the farm manager:
“How many times does a bull have sex per day?”
Manager replied: “6 times or more a day”.
*Wife: looks at her husband and says…..” you see!”
Then the husband asked the manager: “You mean 6 times a day with the same cow?”
Manager said ” No, No, with different cows everyday.”
Husband looks to his *wife* and says ….
“you see!!!!”
And the fight started !!
Who caused the fight???
�…
PLEASE DON’T ANSWER 🙈 it’s gonna cause another fight

Gone are the days when we used to beg ladies,
these days we only ask once,
u refuse we go to your sister or best friend.

Futsek is very important when you hallar your neigbours n
they keep quiet like they never heard anything