A fat Teacher nd a Waves
Teacher: “Kids, what does the chicken give you?”
Waves: “Meat!”
Teacher: “Very good! Now what does the pig give you?”
Waves: “Bacon!”
Teacher: “Great! And what does the fat cow give you?”
Waves: “Homework!”
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On my wedding day any woman dats looks more prettier than my wife
will be kicked out because I hate confusion
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“You can come if you want” is the MOST disrespectful invitation ever..!
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Its almost month end. The only time when men get special respect at home. Even if you go to the toilet ….she will be like ‘honey how was your journey?’
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Skebhe and his two friends attended a party and got themselves drunk……On there way home they chatted a cab(taxi).When they entered, they told the driver there destination..The driver noticing that they were drunk started his car and turned it off..He turned and told them that have arrived at their destination……they paid the taxi driver his money,, and he was happy that his plan worked… to his grtest surprise while Skebhe was coming down he gave him a sound slap….the driver thought that Skebhe knew what he did but decided to ask Skebhe why the slap and Skebhe answerd “you were too fast YOU ALMOST KILLED US“`
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*Three fastest means of communications:*
1) Telephone
2) Television
3) Tell a Woman.
Still need faster communication ??
Tell her NOT to TELL anyone !!
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“Babe, I will die for you, I will take a bullet for you”…..
Says your boyfriend who urinates in a chamber
because of fear of going outside during the night.
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Medical Self Care Tips to all my friends who take alcohol this Xmas.
1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure : Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward…
2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You’re lying on the floor.
Cure : Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom : The floor looks blurry.
Cause : you are looking through an empty glass.
Cure : Quickly refill your glass!
4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause : You’re being dragged away.
Cure : At least ask where they’re taking you!
5. Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it
Cure : Stop making a fool of yourself, position your glass correctly
6. Symptom : Your wife and all your kids are looking funny.
Cause : You’re in the wrong house.
Cure : Ask if they can point you to your house.
7. Symptom : The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You’re in an ambulance.
Cure : Don’t move. Let the professionals do their job
ISSUED IN PUBLIC INTEREST
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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?”
When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
“GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour,” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
“JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question.
“What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?”
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!”
The Teacher fainted.
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These days sitting in the toilet🚽 playing with your phone📱
is more enjoyable than being in a relationship!! 💔
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Your boyfriend’s Zambuk container is filled with Vaseline and you think you’re irreplaceable..
Who do you think you are?
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When you are broke, no one takes you seriously.
Even dogs don’t bark at you when you pass by!!!
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Real Men are worried about their jobs and the economy,
your Man is worried about haircut
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I remember one time when I was in the supermarket😐
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I saw a kid crying while throwing tantrums just because her mom didn’t buy her favourite chocolate🍫
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Due to my clean heart..I bought the chocolate and ate it in front of the kid
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Dating a married man is like driving a
government vehicle
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you can drive it but you’ll never own it
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Having 3 girlfriends is so tough,
you gotta tell everything 3 times
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