Imagine tufike mbinguni halafu tupate kukula cuzo haikua Dhabi!!

*Siyo Lazima Mpenzi wako Akija Mfanye Mapenzi…Kamtembeze Ata Makaburini Umwonyeshe Utakapo Mzika Siku Atacheza Na Hisia Zako

WELCOME TO KENYA
Where people leave as they return
“acha niende ivi nakam”….
Where the husband huitwa baby and the son huitwa baba…
Where you don’t need to go to Masai Mara to see a hyena.They are seated right next to you.!…
This is Kenya;
where a young man is called Babu Owino and an old man is called Kijana Wamalwa,nkt!
Only in Kenya where Wafula hangs on a chopper in broad daylight but denies it in court and the cops asks for time to investigate..
Where after a four hour conversation someone, as he says goodbye…tells you, “wee tutaongea.!”
Only in Kenya where you board a matatu with five people only to realise you were actually the first one, hao wengine walikua wa “kujaza”.
Only in Kenya where u pray with ur eyes open coz ur pocket can be a blessing to somebody you don’t expect.
“Where you eat Githeri and become famous and your life changes just like that.”
Where Girls handbags carry everything
necessary for sleepover except their
fare back home…
Where Men phones are like onions. If their
wives touch and look they shed tears…
Where Dark skin ladies wear black
crop_tops and red tights only to look
like pliers..
where money is like HIV, everyone claims not to have it…
Where People think of sex when it rains
instead of farming..
Where Every man approaching a lady claims
not to be a fisi..
Where Ladies bleach and forget the joints,
they end up looking like sugarcane..
Where You are forced to type ‘Amen’ on
Facebook else undisclosed calamity
befalls you..
Where You buy your chick panties your
neighbor removes them..
Whre A Kenyan girl will still ask you,
“umeniletea nini” hata kama umetoka
kwa jela..
Where Once you tell a lady that you love
her you already owe her some money..
Where Someone lies to over 40 million
Kenyans eti Eeh Mungu Nguvu Yetu
means Ooh God of all creation…
Where Yesu Nipe Nyonyo and Tiga Wana
are gospel hit songs while Mungu
Pekee is considered a secular song..
Where When you meet a lady who does
not ask for your money you think it is a
set up..
Where You have unprotected sex then get
into the car and wear safety belt like
you didn’t try to kill yourself a moment..

Back in high school, I was very poor in maths during exams nilikua napata Kati ya 4% na 10%🙈. The results used to be announced from the lowest maarks to the highest marks,, so nilikua wa kwanza ama wa pili kuitwa😑 alafu napokea viboko kadhaa 😏.
So one day the maths results were announced and my name wasn’t among the first to be called 🤜🤛…so mwalimu anaendelea 30%, 40%, 50%, 60%, 70% bado jina langu halikuitwa, kila mtu kwa class akaniangalia👀,, wanauliza “umepitaje huu mtihani?”😝,nikasmile nikasema ” Ni mungu tu” by the time alifika 80% I was already grinning in excitement. Wakati alifika 90% alikuwa amebaki na paper moja tu 😁🙌,, saa mungu amejibu maombi na ndoto yangu ya kupita maths imetimia🙏,, class mzima walishangaa na kuniangalia 👀,, finally mwalimu akaangalia juu na kusema.

“One idiot did not write his name and he scored 0%”. l just fainted 😂😂

Si kampuni ya makeup i strike ndo tujue Wanaume niwangapi hii Kenya

Kwako Kuna bed switch ama unazimanga stima then unatembea hadi kwa bed Kama kipofu