A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

shaolin kung fuThe monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”

The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”

The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”

The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.”

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?”

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man demands the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.

He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.

Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.

So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”

The man is relieved to no end.

He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk

Man : “bby the way I love you,
I would even swim through an ocean just for you”
–
Woman : “Really honey?”
–
Man : “No I’m kidding dear, there are sharks in there”

Nowadays boys don’t hit & run.
They hit hit hit hit & hit again until ladies run!!

A grade 2 kid was coming from school he entered the taxi and he started singing “if my father was a King my mother will be a Queen and I’ll be a Prince”
The taxi driver silenced the kid but the kid continued “if my father was the President my mother will be the First Lady and I’ll be the First Son”
then with anger the taxi driver asked the kid “what if your father was a robber what will your mother be and what will you be”
and the boy said “if my father was a robber my mother will be a prostitute and I’ll be a taxi driver!!!!!!?

Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army!

Interviewer, “We want a person with a suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly, having a KILLER INSTINCT !!! So do you think you are eligible?”

Man, “No Sir, but…….. can my Wife apply..?”

BOSS:Do you believe in life after Death?

EMPLOYEE: “Certainly not sir! There ‘s no proof of it”, he replied.

BOSS : “Well, there is now.
After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle’s funeral,
He came here looking for you.”

EMPLOYEE: …………………..

I talked to a to a homeless man this morning
and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, “Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.
“I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.”
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, “What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?”
“Oh no, nothing like that,” he said. “No, no…. I was released from jail.”

Only short girls are marriage material.
These tall girls are just building material

BREAKING NEWS!!!
A diesel tanker carrying 33,000 litres of diesel
this afternoon was at a very high speed along
bulawayo road when the driver spotted a motor bike
that was also at high speed coming towards him.
Meanwhile, the motor bike rider was carrying a
7 months pregnant woman who was just coming
back from chegutu Hospital.
To cut the story short, as they got closer to each
other the tanker driver looked closely and
identified the motorcycle rider to be his
childhood friend. They both slowed down,
stopped, hugged each other, spoke for a while
and continued their journey.

I just saw on fb that the children born 9 months from now will be know as the ‘children of the quarn’ and I can’t stop giggling

An older retired guy and a young kid entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking, the young guy stole 3 chocolate bars. As they left the store, the young man said to the older one, “Man I’m the best thief, I stole 3 chocolate bars and no one saw me. You can’t beat that.” The elder man replied: “You want to see something better? Let’s go back to the shop and I’ll show you real stealing.” So they went to the counter and the older man said to the shopkeeper,”Do you want to see magic?”
The shopkeeper replied, “Yes.”
The senior said, “Give me one chocolate bar.”
The shopkeeper gave him one, and he ate it.
Then the senior asked for a second bar, and he ate that as well. He asked for the third, and finished that one too.
The shopkeeper asked: “But where’s the magic?”
The older guy replied: “Check in my friend’s pocket, and you’ll find all three bars of chocolate.”

CHILDHOOD IS LIKE BEING DRUNK ,
EVERYONE REMEMBERS WHAT YOU DID ,
EXCEPT YOU!

Whites: I’m broke.

Blacks: Maturity is when December doesn’t excite you anymore.