If you see a text ‘helo there dear’ from a lady. My brother dont bother to reply that text….its month end and its time for favours so just read, delete the message and go offline sametime……
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Thats how to protect your wallet!!!!!

I once told my nephew to Skip First “H” Whenever He reads/Pronounce English words(E .g Honest )later that day I told him to heat My food in the microwave …..I almost killed that barstad

m i the only one who has a whole list of things to download, but as soon as I’m connected to WIFI i forget everything..

When you start behaving like Eskom in your relationship,
don’t be mad when your partner finds a GENERATOR.

Approved Hoe Testing Formula:
Step 1: Take your girlfriend’s phone
Step 2: Go to her whatsapp
Step 3: Text her best friend saying these exact words, “My friend I’m pregnant” .
Step 4: Wait for response, if the response is, “By who?” .. your girl is a hoe. Don’t try this if you aren’t ready for the truth.

A Wedding in America
Invitation: 60 people
Present: 58 people
Cars at the parking lot: 30
Things missing at the end: 0

A Wedding somewhere in Africa
Invitation: 100 people
Present: 1200 people
Cars at the parking: 5 cars and 6 buses
Things missing at the end: 700 teaspons, 200 plates, flowers, someone’s girlfriend, the bride’s father and the ring

Sonia Gandhi met the Queen of England in her palace

Sonia: “Your Majesty, any tips you can give me to stay in power, the way you have been for so long?”

“Well,” said the Queen, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Sonia frowned, and then asked, “But how do I know the people around me
are intelligent?”

The Queen: “Easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.”

The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. “David Cameron, would you come in here, please?”

David Cameron walked into the room and said, “Yes, ma’am?”

The Queen smiled and said, “Answer me this please, David. Your mother and father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”

Without pausing for a moment, David Cameron answered, “That would be me, ma’am.”

“Very good! Thank you, David !” said the Queen.

Then she turned to Sonia with a smile and said “See?”

Now its Sonia’s turn to apply the same logic….

Sonia went back to India and asked Rahul..
“Rahul , answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”

“I’m not sure,” said Rahul Gandhi . “Let me get back to you on that one…”

Rahul Gandhi went to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer…

Finally, he ran into Narendra Modi and asked, “Narendrabhai, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”..

Narendra Modi answered, “That’s easy, it’s me!”..

Rahul Gandhi said, “Thanks!”

Then he went back to Sonia. “I did some thinking and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Narendra Modi…”

Sonia slapped him….
and shouted..
“No ! You dumb idiot! It’s David Cameron!!!

Everything Happens For A Reason, Except
Removing Your Eyebrows
And Drawing Them Back On, That Has No Reason.

A coloured and black guy were watching animal planet and it was a show about the great white shark , the black guy says “This is unfair why do great things have to be white? Why cant we have a great black shark? “The coloured says”No man,why cant there be a great coloured shark? “The black guy turns amazed and says “Tjo, A shark with no teeth, thats wrong!