I remember my father once caught me
watching etv Porn back in 2007 and
I pretended to be asleep.
My family tried to wake me up for 3days

Rich in class

Teacher: “If i lay one egg today and tomorrow i lay four…how many eggs will be there be?”😕

Rich: “None”😑

Teacher: [suprised] “why not??”😨

Rich: “Because u can’t lay eggs”

My mom can be so cool sometimes😎👇
.
Me:”mom I made a girl pregnant “😢
.
Mom:” son. .tell the girl to bring her parents over to our house…..
so we can both deny the pregnancy😏

There is a truck driver who whenever he sees a Politician walking down the street, he always swerves to hit him. One day he sees a priest on the side of the road looking for a ride and so the truck driver picks him up. While they were driving, the driver sees a Politician , and swerves to hit him. But then he remembered he had a priest in the truck, so he swerved back on the road, but he heard a loud “thump” anyway. So the driver turns to the priest and says “Please forgive me,” and the priest said, “You didn’t hit the Politician , but that’s OK, I got him with the door.”

*Here is the official letter that all men must send their female partner by the latest June 13, 2018*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Sweetheart;

The FIFA World Cup begins on the 14th of June.

During this period I won’t have a lot of time for you. It’s not that I’m cheating or no longer wish to be with you, but I will have to make ever effort to watch every single match.

I will not be attending any social events such as, weddings, funerals, parties etc. during this period so plz *DO NOT ASK!!!.*

I know you see it as only 22 men chasing a ball but it’s absolutely important that you keep such thoughts to yourself and do not express them during this period….

Here are a few guidelines (I won’t call them rules although you know they are) to ensure a smooth and argument free month:

1. Plz don’t say it’s just a game because it’s not!

2. Plz limit or avoid walking during matches

3. The remote control remains with me all the time

4. You support the team I support. Not the team that has guys you think are cute

5. Kindly place your phone on silent

6. *Never, ever walk in front of the TV while am watching a match!*

7. World Cup is played by countries only so plz don’t ask me which team is Arsenal

8. Finally, highlights are considered as important as the match itself, so yes I must watch the highlights as well!!

Thanks in advance, I look forward to your cooperation and your utter silence.

Sincerely yours,

——————
signature & date

Can’t wait until my best friend gets married because I believe I’m gonna give the greatest speech that’ll leave them crying for 4years.

Bcoz there was no water in our flat today,a lady next door asked me to help her carry her 2×25 litre container of water up to 4th floor. She was like, “Thanks a lot, just put them down there by the door, my boyfriend is inside he doesn’t want guys company so he will wake up and take them inside”.*
*Once she went inside I carried them back downstairs.
I don’t tolerate Nonsense!!!!*

Sometimes you don’t need a goal in life,
you don’t need to know the big picture.
you just need to know what you’re going to do next!

{A Married Man’s Prayer}
•°•~•°•
Dear God🙏, You Gave Me Childhood, You Took It Away😭 ,
~•~
You Gave Me Youth, You Took I t Away😭.
~•~
You Gave Me A Wife😒, It’s Been Years Now😳..!!
Just Reminding You..!

When you dating i2000 and taking a walk near High way
she goes: bbe all this cars going this direction are mine
and this other one going this direction are yours ne.