Phone call from baby mama be like:
📞
Me: Hello😐
Her: I just wanna tell you that your son is sleeping😪
Me: 😒?!

Husband having an affair with Sophie.Sophie lived next door.Friday morng husband lied to his wife that he’s going to Durban for seminar.He packs his laptop and bags and tell his wife she won’t find him wen she comes back from work,and slips next door to Sophie’s house.Saturday morng he woke up smiling after a lovely night with Sophie.Wearing Sophie’s gown,he goes to the bathroom to his surprise thru the window he sees another man walking around his house wearing his gown,the one he left at home.He shouts thru the window,”Hey wena! What are u doing in my house?”The man shouts back:Futsek”Who are u?The father of dis house is in Durban”Husband replies,”I will beat u once l return from Durban”.

A serial killer broke into a house and confronted a couple. The serial killer asks “what are your names? i would like to know my victims’ names before i kill them”. Then the woman said “my name is Elizabeth”. Then the
killer said, “i will not kill you because my mother is Elizabeth. The killer then turned to the terified man and said “HEY YOU!!, what is your name?” Then the man responded,
“i am Bob but my friends call me Elizabeth.”

Whatever you do, always give 100%.
Unless you’re donating blood

Most of these skinny Girls eat 5-12 meals a day
and the food goes straight to their attitude.

People Usually Say There Is No Difference Between Complete & Finish.

But There Is

When You Marry The Right One, You Are Complete.

And When You Marry The Wrong One, You Are Finished.

And When The Right One Catches You With The Wrong One, You Are Completely Finished!

I was dreaming urinating in th the toilet,
as I woke up I found my blankets wet ,
I don’t know who the hell poured water on my bed!!! M so pissed

When your friend tells you how good their bae is in bed
and you accidentally say:
“I Know”..!!

A woman prepared some vegetables for herself and her husband. When they were about to eat, the following conversation began.
HUSBAND: Where did you get the vegetables from?
WIFE: I bought it from Mr. Mkhize’s garden.
HUSBAND: What?! From that wizard?! How I’m I know that the wizard didn’t poison the vegetables?
WIFE: I have an idea.
She gave some to her dog. After some time, the dog went to play.
WIFE: See? The food isn’t poisoned.
HUSBAND: OK. Let’s eat then.
After eating, their maid came crying.
WIFE: What happened?
MAID: Phumasilwe (the dog) is dead!
HUSBAND: What? The food is poisoned!
HUSBAND: (Feeling sober and guilt filled upon realizing he’s going to die in a couple of minutes) I need to make a confession!
WIFE: What?
HUSBAND: When you aren’t at home, I and your maid use to have *** in my room.
WIFE: (Feeling angry but immediately realizing this is futile) I forgive you.
WIFE: I too have a confession to make. Promise to forgive as I have.
HUSBAND: OK
WIFE: The children aren’t yours. They are for the Garden boy.
Immediately after, the Garden boy came in.
Garden boy: Sir The man who hit the dog with his car is outside. He says he wants to apologize for killing the dog.

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant four times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Mondays and Tuesdays, I go Thursdays and Fridays.”

When your girlfriend start answering your calls like “eish hellow”
My brother your days are numbered…

i Pretend As if Everything is Fine ,
But Deep Down i Know That i Want A Gun

Yesterday i Was in Town .. i Saw This Beautiful Girl Waving And i Waved Back , Well She Wasn’t Waving At Me But To This Guy Standing Next To Me 😓 So To Avoid The Awkwardness i Kept My Hand Up , The Taxi Stopped .. Now I’m in Lesotho Starting A New Life