Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage
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You will think your Bf is romantic while kissing you on the neck…..
Only to find that he got a hangover he wants something SALTY
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If nobody hates 😫 you,
You’re 👱 doing something boring
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Stop this thing of asking people to get Married because their age mates are married. Even you, some of your age mates have died but nobody has asked you to die..
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The four most beautiful words in
our common language:
I told you so.
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Being ugly is not easy…
Sometimes when you’re looking at yourself in the mirror
you end up saying: “maybe it’s not me”
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Medical Self Care Tips to all my friends who take alcohol this Xmas.
1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure : Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward…
2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You’re lying on the floor.
Cure : Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom : The floor looks blurry.
Cause : you are looking through an empty glass.
Cure : Quickly refill your glass!
4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause : You’re being dragged away.
Cure : At least ask where they’re taking you!
5. Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it
Cure : Stop making a fool of yourself, position your glass correctly
6. Symptom : Your wife and all your kids are looking funny.
Cause : You’re in the wrong house.
Cure : Ask if they can point you to your house.
7. Symptom : The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You’re in an ambulance.
Cure : Don’t move. Let the professionals do their job
ISSUED IN PUBLIC INTEREST
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A man wakes up with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.
So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. ‘Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!’
Totally shocked with the note, he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is already at the table, eating. He asks, ‘Son, what happened last night?’
His son says, ‘Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door’. Confused, the man asks, ‘So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!’
His son replies, ‘Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, ‘LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M MARRIED!’
*Moral*
Saying the right thing while drunk – *PRICELESS*
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Dear Auntie Dolly.
I’ve tried to be slim ,eating healthy foods,jogging but it doesn’t work at all.
Please help me.
Reply from Dolly
Just take your husband’s phone and go to what’s app messages you be slim.
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Two mentally disturbed men decided that they have to attend school. So they collected old books and sat under a tree pretending that it was a school . The following day,one got there early and climbed a tree. As the other came and saw his friend on top of the tree he asked:what are you doing up there ? The friend replied : I’m in high school now
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Today I was so bored, I saw an ant in my kitchen and I placed few sugar cubes in front of it, It had some and went to tell it’s friends and I quickly hid the sugar cubes because I wanted them to think it is a liar. It came back with the whole army of ants and now they are fighting.
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OFFICER:- what is your name?
NYAA:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- tell me properly!
NYAA:- Michael Phiri sir
OFFICER:- your father’s name?
NYAA:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- what does that mean?
NYAA:- Moses Phiri sir
OFFICER:- your native place?
NYAA: M.P sir
OFFICER:- is it Makurdi Purum?
NYAA:- No, Minna Port sir
OFFICER:- what is your
qualification?
NYAA:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- (angry) what is it?!
NYAA:- Metric Pass
OFFICER:- so why do you need a
job?
NYAA:- M.P sir
OFFICER: meaning?
NYAA:- Money Problem sir
OFFICER:- what is your
personality?
NYAA:- M.P sir
OFFICER:- would you explain
urself and stop wasting my time?
NYAA:- Monacrotic Personality
OFFICER:- I see… I will get back to
you.
NYAA:- sir, how’s my M.P?
OFFICER:- and what’s that again?
NYAA:- My Performance.
OFFICER:- M.P !
NYAA:- m.e.a.n.i.n.g?
OFFICER:- Mental Problem!!!
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Waves: I made tea.
Maketang: I don’t want tea.
Waves: I didn’t make you tea. This is my tea.
Maketang: Then why did you tell me?
Waves: It’s a conversation starter.
Maketang: That’s a horrible conversation starter.
Waves: Oh, is it? We’re conversing. Checkmate.
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Boss: Where were you born?
Nya: Zimbabwe.
Boss: Which part?
Nya: What ‘which part’? Whole body was born in Zimbabwe.
Nya and his friend were fixing a bomb in a car.
Xolie: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Nya: Don’t worry, I have one more.
Nya: What is the name of your car?
Xolie: I forgot the name, but it starts with ‘T’.
Nya: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
Nya joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what Nyaa did till evening.
Nyaa: Keyboard letters were not in Alphabetical order, so I made it
alright.
Museum Administrator: That’s a 500-year-old statue you’ve broken.
Nyaa: Thank God! I thought it was a new one.
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Taxi drivers need a semi-final match with Nurses for being rude.
The winner will face Shoprite Cashiers in the final..!
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When she thought you are romantic by helping her
while cooking kant he is making sure u dnt waste his braaipack
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