I used to say” when I grow up I want to have beautiful kids”
until my mother said “i used to say the same thing but look at you”

He broke your virginity. You did 5 abortions for him. You dated him for 6 years and he later married your friend. My sister, feel free to use him for ritual. God will understand.

Please.. remind me to remind you about reminding me to send you this reminder that reminds me of reminding you that you never have to remind me to remember you, I ALWAYS DO

A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Older Woman: “Is there a problem, Officer?”
Officer: “Ma’am, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?”
Older Woman: “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”
Officer: “Don’t have one?”
Older Woman: “Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.”
Officer: “I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.”
Older Woman: “I can’t do that. I stole this car, and I killed and hacked up the owner.”
Officer: “You what?”
Older Woman: “His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see”
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer
slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: “Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of “her vehicle.
Older woman: “Is there a problem sir?”
Officer 2: “One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.”
Older Woman: “Murdered the owner?”
Officer 2: “Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.”
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: “Is this your car, ma’am?”
Older Woman: “Yes, here are the registration papers.”
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: “One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.”
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: “Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.”
Older Woman: “Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.”
Moral of the story? Don’t Mess With Mature Ladies!!!

Urgently need a Mercedes Benz S class 2015 model..mileage not more than 15,000km.. ranging between R150 000 – R200 000. It shld have 17 inch rims..tinted windows..Any color with Sunroof. Please send the picture as soon as possible I wanna change my profile pic.

Short people and their unnecessary anger.
They will be like “No no no, i cant stand this”.
Ahhh even if you stand,
what difference will it make ??

Whites:its so expensive

Blacks:I will come back tomorrow

A newly married husband saved
his wife’s number on his mobile
as “MY LIFE”.
After 1 year of marriage he
changed the number to “MY
WIFE”. After 2 years of marriage
he
changed the number to “HOME”.
After 5 years of marriage he
changed the number to “HITLER”.
After 10 years of marriage he
changed the number to “WRONG
NUMBER”.
What name do you think he will
save the wife’s number with
after 15years…….?

Things i Do The Whole Day: 👇

1. Use My Phone 🔥📱
2. Charge My Phone

The doctor said I must not carry anything heavy.
So now I sit down when I pee

This winter I’m not dating anyone,
I’m tired of losing my jackets

I brought my village girlfriend flowers then after an hour, my phone rang when I answered my girlfriend said “Baby this spinach that you brought, tastes funny.”
One word for her…

ME: Excuse me lady, you look familiar.
HER: Yes you dated me in 2012, I was dark then.