You’re pregnant and you’re watching TV
with your parents….
Then boom an advertise of a condom
.

I need a wife as crazy as I am.

Imagine waking up in the middle of the night and we are both laughing cuz we forgot to pick our kids from school.

If ur wife cheats on you..my brother dont beat her,never sent her packing,dont argue with her… just make a big portrait photo of the guy she cheated with…and put it in ur living room,so that everytime visitors ask who the guy is::: you tell your wife to explain to them

Me : i Love You ♥
– Her : LOL
– Me : i Need You in My Life 🙏
– Her : LOL
– Me : You Are My Everything 💯
– Her : LOL
– Me : iPhone 6 Or iPhone 7 ? 🔥
– Her : Omg!! 😯😮 , iPhone 7 ☺😊 .. Do You Want To Buy it For Me ? 😍😘
– Me : LOL
– Her : Talk To Me Now 😡
– Me : Lol

Rosy was one of those UGLY women, so ugly that it hurt; she had never had a boyfriend. So she went to a psychic for help. Honey! said the psychic. You will not have
luck in love in this life. But after death, you will be a
much desired woman and all men will fall at your feet.
rosy left very happy and so excited, as she went
over a bridge she thought “the sooner I die, the sooner my next happy life begins”
So she decided to jump off the bridge right away.
But, incredibly rosy didn’t die after she jumped! She fell on the back of a truck full of
bananas, she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not
being able to see very well and not knowing where she was, she started touching and feeling
her surroundings, feeling all the bananas! she mumbled with a huge smile on her face and said “GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN,
PLEASE!! ONE AT A TIME!

(Pushing my son in his stroller)
beautiful lady: aww aren’t you adorable! how old are u?
Me: 30
Lady:I was talking to him, the bby..
Me:he doesn’t know how old I am
Lady walks away…. But why?

Meanwhile At The ATM 👇

– Me : Are You The Last Person On The Queue ?
– Her : i Have A Boyfriend

it Doesn’t Matter if You Don’t Smoke Or You Don’t Drink ,
Okusalayo You Also Gonna Die You Healthy Bastard

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings several times until one of the men engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello?”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only R1500. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2012 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “R450000”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking R950000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer 900,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”
MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”

So Zulus are claiming that Foreigners are taking their jobs
But I’ve never seen a Somalian driving a taxi

I personally don’t understand why Drunk people
love to talk closer to your face .