Scientists have discovered a new muscle in the human body called paraphalix Engina. It is the longest muscle ever discovered in living mammals. It connects the eye lid to the anus. *That is why the anus opens when you blink.* Now look at this idiot trying to blink to see if it’s true. I couldnt accept to be the only idiot. Come and beat me if u want.

My ex-girlfriend asked me to put 1 john 4:18 on her wedding invitation card but i made a mistake, deliberately by not including the 1 before john so i printed john 4: 18.
1 john says ” There is no fear in love but perfect love cast out all fears” and John 4:18 says ” for you have had 5 husbands before and even the one you have now is not your husband.”

Approved Hoe Testing Formula:
Step 1: Take your girlfriend’s phone
Step 2: Go to her whatsapp
Step 3: Text her best friend saying these exact words, “My friend I’m pregnant” .
Step 4: Wait for response, if the response is, “By who?” .. your girl is a hoe. Don’t try this if you aren’t ready for the truth.

Keeping a low profile is the best,
that’s why up until now nobody knows that
Rihanna nd Beyonce are my ex’s….
Haters will say I’m lying

She will text you saying gudnyt honey nd still text another guy
same time nd say i’m at your gate sweet!!

My Roommate found R200 In His Old Trousers!
I Hope My Trousers See What Other Trousers Are Doing!

A girl returns home after
15 years!
Father : where
the hell have u been all
this years?*angry* Girl: I
was working as a
PROSTITUTE in the U.S.A.
Father: wtf?? Get out of
my house u whore, I dont
want to see your face
again
Girl: *cryn*, before I
go dad. I came to give u a
$5 million cheque, n here
is a $1million for my
brother. I had build a big
house for u in the
northern surburbs wit
evrything in it includin a
ferarri n a Bugatti. Bye
dad
Father: what kinda
work u said u where doin
*smilin*
Grl: a PROSTITUTE
dad*cryn out loud*
Father: Come n give daddy
a big hug, I thought u said
u where a ” PROTESTANT

If you’re a girl and you don’t have stretch marks,
sorry we can’t date . I don’t date immature girls😐

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra.He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer Peter replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial lawyers in Australia and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in North Cowra. We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule’.”
The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?”
The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very
slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.”
(I love this part)
The old farmer smiled and said, “Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.”
MORAL:
When you are educated, you’ll believe only half of what you hear.
When you’re intelligent, you’ll know which half