Two years ago I asked my friend to get me
my crush’s number because I was too shy to ask her myself 🙁
.
They are getting married next weekend

“All men are dogs” says the gender that got us kick out of heaven.

Imagine The iPhone That I Bought With My Own Money
Is Correcting My English😕

“Pastor, my dog is dead. Could there be a service for the poor creature?” Pastor replied, “No, we cannot have service for an animal in the church. But there is a new church down the road. Maybe they will do something for the animal”.The man answered” “Pastor, but do you think they will accept a donation of $250,000 in return for the burial service?” Pastor exclaimed, “Sweet Jesus! Why didn’t u tell me that dog was a Christian.”

Only black people who take chance to speak English use the word private in many ways. 1: Can I see you in private. 2: he just bought a new Toyota private. 3: she got a private call. 4: his a very private person. 5: at least he should have called me with taxi not a private. 6: private parts.

If your GF once saw your torn underwear,
it’s very hard to cheat on Her!

I will never lie again.
Today I was coming back from church, in
the kombi
there sat a very pretty girl. All the guys in the
bus were
staring at her. Some of them passed their
destinations
without knowing. As for me, I was very
proud of myself because I sat next to her. I
did all the signs I could to make her feel my
presence
but all in vain. An idea came to my mind. I
took my
phone and dialed a fake number as guys
always
do to attract girls’ attention.
Me: Hello Sam, I’m calling to tell you that I
can’t make it today because I’ve just
received a call from our CEO asking me to
replace him at
a meeting bcz he is not yet back in tge
country. Pls tell my brother to use my Range
Rover 2017 to pick my mum from her
dentist’. I will be home late. Thanks Sam. I
will Sam. Once again, Thanks.
All this while, the girl
was looking at me. I said in my heart that
she would fall for me if I spoke to her now ..
Me: Hi baby, y r u looking at me like that? R u
surprised?
Girl: Pls pick up your phone battery. It fell
when u
were taking your phone out of your
pocket…..
I couldn’t raise my head till I got off the
kombi Happy new month.

Girls did you know that these boys when they inbox 📥 us it took a long process? They go through our Profile pics to check if we’re approachable, to check if we’re at the same level. After that they go to inbox and type📼 “Hi” n they stop for 2mins meditating🙀 if they can post it or not, they delete❌it and log out thinking if they can come up with good approach. After some few hours⌚ they consolidate✊ themselves n say now am going to talk to her, they log in n come straight to your acc n look at your pic for 3mins thinking, they cancel it and they go to check their notifications 🔔, they leave their Facebook online n do something for 15mins, they come back n notice that you’re online they log out again coz they think they’re being watched. They log in n check their notifications 🔔again for 30sec n they come back to ur acc n notice that you’ve logged out, they boost their confidence n they type “Hello Beautiful” n they stop for 3mins, they delete it instantly❌😏 n type “Hi” finally, and they log out quickly after sending it n Spend five hours without logging in coz they’re afraid you might have ignore them. At 19:30 they go to bath 🛀 after that they go straight to their beds n login in to Facebook, they’re now happy coz there’s two messages, they ignore it for 5mins n go straight to their notifications liking, commenting posts of their friends, after some 10mins they go straight to inbox n they found that you didn’t reply, they start to blame themselves maybe it’s because am ugly this n that so on and on they faint 💂😂😁. Guys am I wrong? 😊 Ladies keep it up we have dignity n we’re so precious. 👏

The food that I ate in my dreams last night had no taste😒..
so tonight I’m sleeping with salt

Laziness is the Mother of all bad habits…
But ultimately she is a Mother, We must respect her…
So don’t leave bed and Sleep more.
No Morning shOrning :D;-)

The moment you tell a lady that you love her,she becomes cashless, foodless,rentless and all other forms of lessness.

Today i was a hero😉
⤵
I rescued a beer that was trapped in a bottle