What is Love?
Love is when your Husband catches you naked
with another man and says “Baby dress up lets go home”
.
What is Death.
Death is when you agree with Him

You’re not obligated to prove to social media that your
“working”, “getting money” , or “In relationship”

[A dog barks next door and it was
disturbing Rainbow and his wife to sleep]
.
Wife: Hunny the dog barking next door is
really noisy.
.
Rainbow: Mmmh leave it to me i will teach our
neighbours a lesson… (Rainbow goes to take the
dog and tie it in his yard then he goes to
bed)
.
Wife: Sweety what have you done to it, its
making a louder noise now.
.
Rainbow: I took it its in our yard now.
.
Wife: What for??!!
.
Rainbow: Relax I want them to experience the
pain of being disturbed by your next door’s
dog.

Boy calls 911.
Boy: Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So whats your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

shaolin kung fuThe monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”

The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”

The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”

The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.”

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?”

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man demands the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.

He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.

Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.

So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”

The man is relieved to no end.

He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk

So your GF will be online Chatting to other ppl nd not even reading your text for HOURS
that’s worse than a blue tick.

My goal for 2018…

Is to accomplish the goals of 2017 which I should have done in 2016,because I promised them in 2015 and planned them in 2014…

She walked into the banking hall, with her pointed shoes announcing her arrival minutes before you saw her.

She wore that kind of dress that convinces you that heaven is missing an angel.

The aroma of her perfume would easily finish a bowl of eba for its sweetness.

And the phone which she gingerly held to her ear, without minding the security guy that was waving frantically at her that calls are not allowed in banking halls, will cost a small fortune.

She stepped forward, picked a deposit slip and searched frantically for a pen.

About five guys offered her their pens but she took mine, maybe because I was closer to her.

After a while, or a long while because time stood still, she stood up and inched closer to me.

I was sweating like a pregnant fish and huffing and puffing like a Monitor lizard.

She whispered, “Please can you spell ‘thirty’ for me?”

I looked down at her deposit slip in surprise.

She had written, ‘Tarty Tausan’!

😂😂😂😂😂😂
BEAUTY IS NOT EVERYTHING.

You can’t be a Nurse and be ugly at the same time 😕
I mean We can’t be afraid of needles and you !!!

South Africa Army has been training since I was a kid but SA never had a war. Can’t they organize a friendly match with Iraq?

If you have a friend who hates bathing
just know they didn’t do baby shower for them

A fat man saw an advertisement: “Lose 5Kg In A Week”⚠

He called and said: “I would like to join”😕

The girl said: “ok, be ready tomorrow at 6 am”😐

The next morning he got to the office and was taken to a room …he opened the door and found a hot babe wearing only shirt and pant😋

She said: “If you can catch me…you can sleep with me!”😉… the man started running after her but couldn’t catch her😩…During the whole week he tried to catchher but he couldn’t and he lost 5 Kg…

He then asked for the 10Kg program…The next morning at 6 am, he opened the door and found hotter babe wearing a bikini👙…she said: “If you can catch me, you will sleep with me…” He lost 10Kg that week…

So he thought that this program was awesome…He then requested for a 25kg program…The girl asked: “Are u sure??…it is really tough!!”😐

The man said: “Why not?”💪

The next day he opened the door expecting to see a naked girl but found a naked man who said: “If i catch you, i will sleep with you!”😀

That week the man lost 40Kg

Imagine being married to a white person…
coming back home from a long day at work to speak english

Their are only two naked thing that can kill a man
1). *Naked wire*
2). *Naked woman*
😂😂😂😂

*Hope I am not lying*