There Was A Party & The Host Was Getting Worried

Because There Were Too Many People And Not Enough Refreshments.

Host Wasn’t Sure If All Of Them Were Invited Or Not.

Then He Got An Idea.

He Turned To Guests & Said: “Will All Those From The Bride Side Of The Family Please Stand Up?”

About 20 People Stood.

Then He Asked: “And From Groom’s Side?”

About 25 More People Stood.

Then He Smiled & Said: “Will All Those Who Stood Please Leave, This Is A Birthday Party”

The pain of being blocked by someone you wanted to block first..!

Only Men Can Spend The
Whole Day Without Knowing Each other

In secondary school, I was very poor in maths and chemistry. During exams, I’d get between 2% and 8%. The results used to be announced out from the lowest to the highest marks, So I would always be the 1st or 2nd to be called outcry.
One day,the maths results were being released and my name wasn’t among the first to be called out. The teacher got to 30s,40s,50s,60s and 70s. Still my paper had not been called out8). Everyone kept looking at me asking”Chris whats up? How did you fare?”And the teacher went on to the 80s And when he got to 88%, He had one paper remaining.
I then asked myself,could I have scored a 90% in maths? I was feeling very anxious and happy now that I knew I had proved the so called genius wrong.
Could I have gotten 88%? I thought my dreams have been answered……. .. The whole class was amazed as every one kept looking at me . It was unbelievable.
Finally the teacher looked up and said,”There is a cow that did not write its name on the paper that scored 0%.
If u have not received your paper come and get it now!
I FAINTED!

If her timeline is full of shares, just know that she’s also sharing someone’s Bae..!☝🙄
~•~
She’s a shareholder…

Breaking News💔💔💔💔💔….
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I am not going bath🛀🛁 until the temperature is above my age!!!

You’ll wonder if some people’s facebook doesn’t have reactions
no matter how funny something is they’ll never react

Remember when growing up you said “I want to be a pilot” 20 years later the only thing you do related to airplanes is FLIGHT MODE on your phone.

Congratulations Mr. Pilot.

That irritating moment when u just can’t
seem to locate the longer side of your
blanket during that harsh winter night! You
try pulling your blanket to cover your head,
but your two naughty feet keep on popping
out. Damn you winter!!! What power do you
have to make us suffer!!

Hubby says “I fancy kinky ***, can I c*m in your ear?” Wife says “No I might gone deaf” Hubby says “but for the past 20 years I’ve c*ming in your mouth but you’re still f**king talking”

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?
Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.
Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let’s start from your bank account

If children of israel were like girls of today
while crossing the red sea, they would have
spent the whole day in the middle of the sea
taking pictures and uploading on facebook, twitter, Instagram and all types of social networks with posts/status like:
1. Chilling with Moses
2. Miracle things on point .
3. Me and Moses before crossing the sea.
4. Can’t wait to see the promised land
5. Pharaoh dololo can’t catch us.
6. Eee what a Fish 😍
7. Finally we have won the battle
8. Tholukuthi Moze is our chief 😜😜😜
9. Moses the coolest nigger

One morning at a doctor’s clinic a patient arrives complaining of serious back pain.😓
The doctor examines him and asks him:
“Tell me what happened to your back😐…?”

The patient replies: “Sir, I work for a local night club. This morning I went to my apartment early and heard some noise in my bed room🤚.
On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open.
I rushed 🏃‍♂️out of the balcony door and did not find anyone.
As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself.🍆
I was very angry.😠 I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him.🤚
It was very heavy😞…
That is how I strained my back.!”

Later that day, a second patient arrives as if he has been in a car wreck😅.
The doctor said: “My previous patient looked bad..
But you look terrible😶..
What the hell happened to you🤨 ?”

He replied: “You know I have been unemployed for a while now.😏
Today was the first day at my new job…
I forgot to set my alarm and I was late…
I was running🏃‍♂️ out of the building, getting dressed at the same time.
And you won’t believe it but I was hit by a fridge🙄.
I don’t know how and where from this fridge fell on me😓…!!!”

Before closing hours, the third patient comes. He looks like he was punished in hell.😕

The doctor is shocked.
He asks: “What the hell happened to you🙁..??”

The patient replies:
“Well, It started like this, I was in a fridge……….”😂😂😂😂

I think dishes should grow up and wash themselves