I’m not alcoholic, I only drink twice a year…
When it’s my birthday, and when it’s not my birthday…

Forcing your partner to block someone on
social media doesn’t Change how your
partner feels about that person.

There was a beautiful girl in a village admired by four men.
SINGER
HUNTER
DOCTOR
FISHERMAN
One day,she went to wash her clothes by the river coincidentally the four men where there watching her, All of a sudden a crocodile bit her and dragged her into the water.
The SINGER composed a beautiful song ,the crocodile raised its head above the water to listen to the song,
The HUNTER shot it,and it was dead . The girl floated on the water.
The FISHERMAN dived in and brought her out to the shore then,
The DOCTOR treated her and she was well again.
Now who deserves to marry the girl among the four men?
Need answer from intelligent people like U!!!!!

My Lips Are Shaking……
Someone is Busy Kissing my Girlfriend…

i Was So Sad On Saturday i Was Watching “Sarafina” On My Hospital Bed 😢 , I’m Discharged Today 😁 .. i Can’t Wait To Go Home And Watch “Anaconda” 😠 i Wanna See White People Getting Swallowed By A Snake To Feel Better 😥

When they can’t afford Makeup Anymore they Upload a Pic
with the Caption *My sick face*
Girls why giving yourselves Pressure..

Olu is a house boy who drinks his boss’ wine and then adds water for cover up.​ ​His boss became suspicious and decided to buy pasties ( A french wine that change colour if water added)​.

​As usual, olu drank the pasties and topped it up with water. ​Unfortunately for him, the pasties changed colour. When the boss came back home and notice the colour change, he told his wife about it.​ ​

Olu knew he was in trouble and decided to stay in the kitchen.
​
​The boss shouted, “olu!!!”
​
​olu answered..”Yes, Sir!”
​
​Boss.. “Who drank the pasties?”​
​olu didn’t respond.

​The boss ask again, still no answer. Then the boss went to the kitchen to confront him.​ “Are you insane or what? When I called you, you said ‘Yes Sir’, but when I asked you a question, you didn’t answer me!

​Hmmm Oga, when you are in the kitchen you don’t hear anything except your name,”​ olu answered.

“Let’s try it. Okay go to the bar and stand beside madam, while I will stay in the kitchen. Then call me and then ask me any question,”​ The Boss suggested.

Olu shouted, “Boss!”​

​Boss answered, “Yes!”
​
​olu asked, “Who goes into the maid’s bedroom when madam isn’t around?”
​
​Boss didn’t answer​.

​Olu asked again, the Boss kept quiet.
​
​The boss came out from the kitchen shouting, “Wonders shall never end!!!

Olu it’s true. When one’s in the kitchen, one doesn’t hear anything except ones name”​.

​The wife interrupted, “That’s not true. It’s a lie”.​

​Without argument olu ask if she’d like to enter the kitchen to be tested and she agreed.
​
​olu called, “Madam!

​Madam answered, “Yes!”
​
​Olu asked, “Who is Junior’s biological father? Me or boss?”​

​Madam rushed out of the kitchen saying, “This kitchen needs to be checked, I can’t hear anything!”​:

😂😂😂😂😂😂😀😀😀 Don’t laugh alone. Share with others, spread the joke​.

Can you Solve This?😝
RiddlE
Which One Have Two Zero & Two four?
1. 0024
2.2024
3.0044

Most of these skinny Girls eat 5-12 meals a day
and the food goes straight to their attitude.

When you look at the mirror
do you still think that there’s
still hope for you to get married? 🤔

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department – to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in
here.’ One of the Staff passed out.

‘The correct spelling is SCHOOL and not SCHOOL.
Many people put the first O before the second O
and it is completely wrong’