I brought my village girlfriend flowers then after an hour, my phone rang when I answered my girlfriend said “Baby this spinach that you brought, tastes funny.”
One word for her…

It’s always the fine guy who walks up to you,
looks at you with charming eyes,
then whispers to your ear “my friend likes you”
.
while he points at a monkey with big forehead like rabbit

Every time she goes out at night to drink🍻 with her friends💃👭, she comes back early around 3am🌃 in the morning, she knocks🚪 in the window because she lost her key and when I open the curtains⏳ to see who it is ,It’s her, she makes funny ugly😉 faces, when I open the door she walks🚶‍♀️ In like a model 💃(Cat walking) convincing me she’s not drunk🥂 but she keeps falling😑, she sends me to go out and look for her other shoe👠 “stuck in a mud ” she says. I come back she locked me out👏, she continue to make funny😬 faces through the window. She forgets we hid the spare key outside under the rock😛, 🙈👅I open the door she runs🏃‍♀️💃 and hide herself from me, she puts a bucket on her head and cover her eyes with her hands, I Ignore her and go sleep🛌. She so drunk she starts singing random songs,🌴 starts jumping on the bed🛏 like a kid, pulls me by ears 👂 and rides my back like a horse ,while I’m trying to sleep ,runs to the toilet to vomit🚽 ,I have to wakeup And Check on her ,Hold Her Hair As She Vomits😛 , make sure she’s okay😑 , She Goes To The Kitchen ,breaks Glasses🍷 I get There Shes Eating eating everything in the fridge🍎🍓🍉🍨🍢🍲🍞🍜🍤🍛🍗 shes wearing the clothes 👕👔👖She Ironed For me for work ,Takes Out her phone takes selfies🤳 I have to pick up the glasses and sweep the floor ,prepare my clothes👖👕👔 for work and hers👗 too if shes going ,when I’m done ,Im noticing shes been quiet for a while now ,I go and check her out ,I get there shes sleeping🛌 I have to pick her up and put her in bed ,I go out to switch off lights 💡 I come back She has wetened💦 the bed, now I have put her on the Couch put a blanket wrap her feet and tuck it to her and i’ll take the floor I close my eyes to sleep I hear the boom sound ,its her she fell😑 off the couch , Now We both sleeping on the floor ,she’s farting so bad I cant sleep ,I yawn as I close my eyes 📢”Trrrr trrr⏰” the alarm goes off its 6:30am I better get ready for work 😔 And You know What I Don’t Mind Cause I Love My Babe, She is my only Queen

I put my grandmother’s phone on vibration,
and I told her that she need to buy
new ring tones,
now I have R250 with me just to buy her new ring tones.

A Man Got Two Wishes From God.

He Asked For The Best Drink And Best Woman.

The Next Moment He Got Bisleri And Mother Teresa.

Moral: Investment Matters Are Subject To Market Risks.
Please Read The Offer Document Carefully Before Investing.

No matter how good/cute you look girl,
you cant compete with the girl he loves

I received a call in the morning and the conversation was like this:
Me: hallo
Caller: do you have a heart?
Me: yes
Caller: do you have intestines?
Me: yes I do
Caller: OK am coming to take them..

He hung up.. Eeee I was like damn wat is happening to me. Am I dreaming??
He called again after some minutes..
Me (scared) :ha hallo!
Caller: hey sorry my brother, I thought I was calling the butcher , sorry wrong number my friend…

He hung up..

Happiest Moment For Today’s Generation Is

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