If your Girl calls you more than twice in a day
Break up with her she is a psycho 🤐
Women Dont have Airtime To Call Men☝
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Sometimes we struggle through a tasteless coffee till the last sip,
then we find sugar lying at the bottom ..
that’s life, sweetened but not stirred well.
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Two friends were walking through a jungle. They saw a hungry tiger.
The other friend started tightening his shoe laces, getting ready to run.
The other one asked,
“Do you really think you can run faster than the tiger?”
He replied,
“I don’t have to run faster than the tiger; I just have to run faster than you!!”
That’s today’s mentality…
Choose your friends wisely.
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The traffic cops notice a car being driven erratically up ahead and when they draw near they see the driver clattering his dog on its head. They pull him over and the lead cop goes up to the car and says ‘Not only am l booking you for driving without due care and attention, l’m also booking you for cruelty to animals.’ The bloke says ‘lf you knew what this dog had done you’d give him a clout as well’. ‘Why?’ says the cop ‘ What’s he done?’ The bloke says ‘He’s just eaten my licence and insurance.’
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That awkward moment you are playing ‘Spin the bottle’ and it points to your crush and she says “hay Yoh!!, Ngeke (nope can’t be)!!! . . . spin again”…😀
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A man wakes up with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.
So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. ‘Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!’
Totally shocked with the note, he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is already at the table, eating. He asks, ‘Son, what happened last night?’
His son says, ‘Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door’. Confused, the man asks, ‘So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!’
His son replies, ‘Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, ‘LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M MARRIED!’
*Moral*
Saying the right thing while drunk – *PRICELESS*
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Her : Can i have your Picture
Him : Check My Profile
Her : its a Car not you
Him : Yea i know.. open the door im inside the car
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Girl: Will you pick me up if I ever fell down??
Boy: No..
Girl: Would you wipe away the tears when I’m sad..:(…?
Boy: Never..
Girl: Will you still love me when I look my worst?
Boy: Nope..
Girl: At least you’re honest …..:(((
Boy: I wouldn’t pick you up if you fell because I would catch you before you even hit the ground….♥
I wouldn’t wipe away your tears because I’ll make sure there’s nothing for you to ever be sad about….♥
I wouldn’t love you when you look your worst because that’s
impossible…
You always look you’re best,
even when you think you don’t….. ♥
I love you more than anything,
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If all he does is make you cry… My dear you are not dating a man… You are dating an onion… SHIYA LO VEG
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Facebook should have VIP section for some of us who use data bundles.
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Guys if you have forgotten your Vaseline don’t panic. We will wait for those Chef in the kitchen to go to sleep then we gonna steal those Olive oil.
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At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist’s work. They finally went with mine.
“I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral,” I said.
“No,” said the boy. “Your painting’s wider, so it’ll cover three holes in our wall.”
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Who else has noticed that the guy playing the Keyboard in Church does not pay offering
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How come does 60 seconds equal 1 minute
60 minutes equal 1 hour
But 60 hours is not equal to 1 day
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Let’s say you had a lot of money. Anything you wanted you could buy, you would probably have a long list and with all that money, many people would call you successful. But what about that other list? The real list of things that money can’t buy, the list that comes from the heart.That real list probably includes; a longing to be loved, a family that gets along, the needs to be accepted just the way you are, and you want that whole things in your heart to be filled, which only God can do. Have fruitful day wherever you are my people. Much love
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A girl started noticing a guy who stands in front of her home everyday in the evening. She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings and weekends. The guy never tried to talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and occasionally stealing a stare at her. It went on like that for a year and the girl understood the guy was in love with her but was too shy to express his feelings. So, she told her parents. They too saw him and liked him. They discussed with her grandparents about a likely marriage. But wanted her to make the first move. The next day , she went to him and said, Hi. I’m Jada. He said, Hi. I’m Smith. Hearing this, the girl was very happy as the names were matching like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett. The girl went on and said, I really appreciate your patience and decency. You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a year now. So, I understand that you are in love with me but too shy to say it. I think i really like you too and would love it if we get married. The guy smiled and said, Forgive me sister! Actually your home’s WIFI doesn’t have a password. So, i come here every evening after work to use free wi-fi to chat with my girlfriend!
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