Her : baby I’m pregnant

Skebhe : so tell me ,why you changed your name ?

Her : baby I’m pregnant serious

Skebhe : eh! and your surname too

This my Dad ….
Me: Hello daddy
Dad: Yes, how are you?
Me: Fine, I just called to greet you
Dad: I don’t have money.

I Went on blind date with this blonde girl the other day…she suggested we go to Mcdonald’s to grab something to eat and I said, only if you can spell Mcdonald’s. She said…………Why dont we go to KFC instead?

If You’re At A Club Right Now, Go To A Mirror And Say:
“This Is Why Guys Don’t Marry Me..!”

Am i the only one who goes house to house and introduce my girlfriend after getting in a new relationship???

I remember sitting in class during my final year in varsity and
thinking to myself that everyone in this class
wants to be an economist and I just wanna rap

Barbara has a heart attack. During this, she dies and meets God. “Will I die?” she asked. “Not yet,” God replied, “You will live for another thirty five years,three months, and seven days.” At this instant, she snapped back alive. After the heart attack, she decides to make the most of her life. She gets a face lift,Botox, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even gets a surgery to change the colour of her hair. After her final surgery, she walks out and gets hit by a truck and dies. When she goes up in heaven and meets God, she’s steaming.

“What was that!?”Barbara asked. “What?” God responded, “You died.”

“You said I would live another thirty five years!”

“Oh.” God thought for a while. “I didn’t recognise you.

They Know They’re Ugly When They Post Pics And Add Captions Like:

“My Smile Tho, My Nose Tho, My Eyes Tho, My Lips Tho, My Butts Tho”.

A woman went shopping. At the cash counter, she opened her purse to pay.

The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse.
He could not control his curiosity and asked,

“Do you always carry your TV remote with you?”

She replied ” No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me shopping today because of football match, so I took the remote.”

*Moral: Accompany and support your wife in her hobbies…..*

The story continues….

The cashier laughed and then returned all the items that lady had purchased. Shocked at this act, she asked the cashier what he was doing.

He said, “your husband has blocked your credit card……….”

*MORAL: Always respect the hobbies of your husband.*

Story continues….

Wife took out her husband’s credit card from purse and swiped it. Unfortunately he didn’t block his own card.

*Moral: Don’t underestimate the power and wisdom of your WIFE..*

Story continues…

After swiping, the machine indicated, ‘ENTER THE PIN SENT TO YOUR MOBILE PHONE’…….

*Moral: When a man tends to lose, the machine is smart enough to save him!*

Story continues….

She smiled to herself and reached out for the mobile which rang in her purse.

It was her husband’s phone showing the forwarded SMS.

She had taken it with the remote control so he doesn’t call her during her shopping.

She bought her items and returned home happily.

*Moral: Don’t underestimate a desperate woman!*

Story continues….

On getting home, his car was gone.

A note was pasted on the door

“Couldn’t find the remote. Gone out with the boys to watch the premiership match. Will be home late. Call me on my phone if you need something”.

Damn!!… He left with the house key too.

*Moral: Don’t try to control your husband.
You will always lose

The Moment You Walk With Your Bae And Come Across With Your Type Walking Alone