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If time does not wait for you, don’t worry.
Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.

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When you tell your parent a funny story
then it turns into a life lesson

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The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”

“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $18.40 please.” The man reaches into his pocket and, without looking, pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the guy and the ostrich come again and the guy says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke.”

The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again the guy reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until one night they enter the restaurant and the waitress asks, “The usual?”

“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad”, says the guy.

“Me too,” says the ostrich.

The waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $42.62.”

Once again the guy pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the guy, “several years ago I was cleaning my attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the guy.

The waitress asks, “But, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

The guy sighs and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

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Girls will Dump you, then after 5minutes
text you and say “Is that what you
wanted??

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Fresh boys are always single.
Once you started dating him,you will realize you’re his 8th “Girlfriend”
🤏🤏🤏😂😂😂😂😂

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“A handsome man went into a hotel and asked to see the boss. When the boss came, the story began.
-The client: is room 39 empty?
-The boss: yes, sir.
-The client: can I book it?
-The boss: of course you can.
-The client: thank you.
Before going to the room, the client asked the boss to provide him with a black knife, a white thread 39 cm and an orange 73g.
The boss agreed though he was surprized at the weird things the client asked to have.
The client went into his room, he didn’t ask for food or anything else.
Unfortunately for the boss, his room was next to room 39.
After midnight, the boss heard strange voices and noise in that client’s room. Voices of wild animals and of utensils and dishes being thrown on the floor.
The boss didn’t sleep that night. He kept thinking and wondering what might be the source of the noise.
In the morning, when the client handed the keys to the boss, the latter asked to see the room first.
He went to the room and found everything alright. Nothing unusual. He even found the thread, the black knife and the orange on the table.
The client paid the bill and gave the bellboys a very good tip and left the hotel smiling.
The boss was in a shock but he didn’t reveal what he heard to the bellboys. In fact, he started to doubt himself.
After one year, the client showed up again. He asked to see the boss again. The boss was in a puzzle.
The client asked the same things: room 39, black knife, white thread 39cm and an orange 79g.
This time, the boss wanted to know the truth by all means possible. He spent a sleepless night, waiting for something to happen. After midnight, the same voices and noises started, this time louder and more indecipherable than the year before.
Again, before leaving, the client paid his bill and left a large tip on the table for the bellboys. The smile didn’t leave his face.
The boss started searching for the meaning of everything the client asked to have. Why did he ask room 39? why the white thread? why the black knife??? In fact, the boss didn’t arrive to any convincing answer to all these questions.
The boss now was eagerly waiting for the month of March, the month in which the client showed up.
To his surprise, on the first day of March, the same client showed up. He asked the same questions. Wanted to book the same room, wanted to have the same things as before.
The boss again heard the same noises, this time more louder than before.
In the morning, when the client was leaving the hotel, the boss apologized politely to the client and asked to know the secret behind the noises in the room.
-”If I tell you the secret, do you promise to never reveal it to anyone else?”
-”I promise I will never let anyone know”.
-”Swear”
-”I swear I won’t reveal your secret”
So finally, the client revealed his secret to the boss.
Unfortunately, the boss was a sincere person. Uptil now he hasn’t revealed his secret to anyone.
When he does, I will let you know… “��

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A Prospective Husband Goes In A Book Store For Purchase A Strange Book.

He Sees A Sales Girl There & Then He Walk To Her.

Husband: “Do You Have A Book Called “Husband – The Master Of The House?”

Sales Girl: “Sir, Fiction And Comics Are On The 1st Floor.“

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Diarrhea is like Wi-Fi,
when u approach the toilet the signal becomes stronger.

Even before u unbutton your trouser, the download is complete

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Coloured People Like Starting Fights Out Of Anything!!😥…I Was In A Taxi Minding My Business

This Guy Looks At Mew And Asks ” Ekse Bra , Why You Quiet? ”

I’m Like ” Dude , I’m Alone…”

He Says ” Ohh … So Now You Wanna Tok ?…I Will Moer You Now Now Sanie …!!”

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I just smoked weed now but nothing happens I just wasted money 😭😭 anyway happy mothers day 🏃🏃 I love you dad

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Do you know when you sleep till 2pm
you save money you would have used for breakfast?
Think about it.

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The judge says to a double murder defendant, “You’re charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.”
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, “You bastard!”
The judge says, “You’re also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with the same hammer.”
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, “You ROTTEN bastard!”
The judge stops and says to the man in the back of the courtroom. “Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I’ll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?”
The man stands up and says, “I’m sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I’ve lived next door to that arsehole, and every time I asked if I could borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one”.

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Getting married at the age of 22 is like
leaving the party at 20H00

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Sometimes when i’m drunk,
i just call the police just to tell them who killed Jesus!

Pitori loading…….anyone around mamelodi

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BREAKING NEWS.
Zimbabweans can now smile.
President Emmerson Mnangangwa has approved the bill to start payment for all unemployed Zimbabweans within the age of 18-55 years.
They will be paid an allowance of US$250 monthly starting from monday 14/06/2018. All university allowances of US$2000 has been granted to all university students.
To get such Jokes, sms jokes to 111.

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“Dont clean the house at night you are
inviting evil spirits
“Don’t sweep on the bed with a broom
your partner will leave you for good ”
“if your palm is itching you are going to
receive money or visitors.. .
what other superstitions do you know….?

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