I’ve got a couple of goldfish as pets. I call them one and two.
That way if one dies I’ve still got two
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A new element added to PERIODIC TABLE :
Name: Girl
Symbol: Gl
Atomic weight: Don’t even dare to ask.
Physical properties:
…1. Boils at any time,
2. Melts when handled with loveand care,
3. very bitter when mishandled.
Chemical properties:
1. Very reactive,
2. Highly unstable,
3. Possesses high affinity to gold, platinum,
diamond, branded clothes and other
expensive items.
Nature:
1. Money reducing agent.
2. Volatile when left alone.
Occurrence: Mostly found in front of the
mirrors.
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To all taxi owners out there as from next year please provide us with
calculators in the front seat we’re tired of using our fingers
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Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.
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Husband: bbe I have a problem
Wife: No bbe we are married now, we are one..don’t say “I have a problem” you should be saying “We Have a Problem”
Husband: Ohk bbe… We impregnated a Maid
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When a woman says that she loves her children more than her husband
* She is clearly telling a lie *
She can leave her children with her neighbours
* But she will not leave her husband with a neighbour for a minute *
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Did you hear the one about the guy who invented the knock knock joke😶……
in fact he won the no bell price
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behind every high heel there are sleepers in the hand bag
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Three elderly men are at the doctor’s office for a memory test.
The doctor asks the first man, “What is three times three?”
“274,” came the reply.
The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?”
“Tuesday,” replies the second man.
The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, “Okay, your turn. What’s three times three?”
“Nine,” says the third man.
“That’s great!” says the doctor. “How did you get that?”
“Simple,” he says, “just subtract 274 from Tuesday.”
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Stepfather: “what must i bring back for my kids?”😎
Kids: “Bring back our real father”
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Man to pretty girl in a party.
.
MAN: I couldn’t find my wife here, can you
please talk to me for a while?
.
GIRL: Why?
.
MAN: because everytime I talk to any girl,
my wife just appears out of nowhere
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A Rich Woman Stops On A Traffic Signal And A Begger Come To Her For Begging.
Woman Confused: “Arrey, I Have Seen You Somewhere.”
Beggar: “Madam, Don’t You Remember? I Am Your Friend On Facebook.“
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Next week it’s a high school reunion,
can someone borrow me pilot uniform and BMW keys?
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Ladies, If you want to keep a man treat him like a new customer, if he cheats don’t fight or interrogate him, instead give him reasons to stay. And remember a customer is always right, do not quarrel with your man
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I have worked hard for my money,
that’s why my girlfriend is jetting off to Brazil to do her hair.
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Me trying to learn English
–
Teacher: you did it, didn’t you?
Me: You took my pen,tookn’t you?
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