I tossed and turned the whole night…
I can’t eat..I can’t drink.
My neighbours bought a new car and a lounge suite.

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years😷
–
Everytime they made love the husband [Rich] always insisted on turning off the light🔦
–
Well after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figure she would break him out of this crazy idea😯
–
So one night while they were still in the section she turned on the light🙊🙉😨🔦
–
She looked own amd saw that Rich was holding a battery-operated pleasure device, A VIBRATOR!!! Soft, Wonderful and large. She went completely ballistic!!!😠
–
The wife with extreme anger said ” you impotent pig, how could u be lying to me after all these years!! You better explain yourself”😠
–
Rich looked at her straight in the eyes and said calmly: “I’ll Explain the toy, you explain the kids”

So are we gonn’ ignore the fact that Mandela changed his dp on that money

if we’re dating , putting me on your profile picture isn’t enough ,
I wanna be your ringtone too

If you spend more time on Facebook than WhatsApp,
then you’re probably single.

Women: Communication is key!👌
Men: What’s wrong babe?🤔
Women: Nothing GOODNIGHT!

Some guys are HIV negative because they’re broke 😏
you should thank God for your brokenness is a blessing in a way

Do you still remember those awkward days in schools during Exams?
.
1. When a bright student tells the invigilator that question 4 has a problem, but you have already answered it…😳
.
2. When a fellow student asks for a graph paper, but you are finished and did not see anywhere where it was required…😧
.
3. When the invigilator says jump question 6 we will rectify it later, but it was the question you enjoyed most when answering…😟
.
4. When you see people busy using rulers and you are wondering what is going on…😣
.
5. When you hear your friends arguing after the exam whether the answer to question 5 was 35.5% or 36% and your answer was -264

I can’t wait to get rich so that even if i
come late for family meeting
My elders will apologise
.
.
“My son we are sorry we came too early”

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department – to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in
here.’ One of the Staff passed out.

Writting her on your bio and
writting about her everyday doesn’t
scare us
.
We’ve entered Toilets written
“Ladies only”

*Before u fall in love, test the strength of your heart by
playing soccer bet with your rent.*