I went for a job interview today when I entered the 1st question was “wait please” I answered “65kgs”. They were so happy they all laughed and told me to go back home they’ll call me soon.*

*I’m now ironing my clothes they myt call me early morning tomorrow, guys pray for me.*

Me : Bro I Got Two Bad News For You…
Him : Combine Them…
Me : Your Girlfriend Is Cheating On Both Of Us…

Research shows that gay people are rich
because they don’t date girls

Boys listen, before you date a girl from now, u have to ask her the month in which she was born
,
Guys how can u started dating today n tomorrow b her birthday

A doctor came across a patient he had valued for years and
saw that he was carrying sleeping pills in his hand, so wanted
to warn him: – Mr. Brown, I see sleeping pills you use, sometimes you may need it, but I want to warn you, those pills are very effective and addictive. The patient laughed and said that: – No, doctor. That’s no true. I’ve been using this medicine for 20 years, the pills have never become addictive!

MAN: Marry me?
WOMAN: Do you have a flat?
MAN: No.
WOMAN: Do you have a Camry car?
MAN: No.
WOMAN: How much is your salary?
MAN: No salary, but I…
WOMAN: No but! You have nothing. How can I marry you? Leave please before I open eyes for you!
MAN: But I have one estate, 3 landed properties in GRA, 3 Ferraris, 2 Porsches and 2 G wagons. Why do I still need to buy a Camry? How can I be paid salary when actually I’m the BOSS?
WOMAN: That’s why I told you to leave, cause am coming to your house myself to propose to you.

When I’m alone I speak to myself
–
Ngeke ngibhoreke ngikhona

Being Popular on Facebook is like
sitting at the coolest table in cafeteria
at a Mental hospital function

My mother used to communicate with eyes while I was growing up…
When visitors are in the house and I am jumping up and down, there is an eye sign which means ​”get out”​

When visitors are eating and you want to eat with them, there is this particular look which means ​”if you collect anything here I will skin you alive”​ but meanwhile she will be telling the visitors “don’t mind her, she won’t eat or she has eaten..”

When you pay a visit to any family member and you want to cry over what is not yours, there is this look which means ​”if I hear pim from you again, I will flog you dead”​.

But today’s mother… I mean our young mummies today ehhh…
Their eyes are already weakened with mascara, eye lashes and heavy-duty facelifts and make-ups from Mary Kay to Jenifer Lopez to Angelina Jolie. In short, the eyes can’t communicate again… when they are looking at a child, the child will be looking back at them because that child is seeing them as either a magician or masquerade or even doll baby, which they are used to.

Share with folks on your contacts list. Don’t laugh alone.

The day i decided to quit Instagram was the day
I realised this app is for people who bath everyday

Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it’s a beaver, Johnny.”
The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is🍑. It’s a beaver, but I think grandma’s is dead because it’s tongue is hanging out

Girls who were born in 1990, I’m reminding you that next year you’ll be 30yrs. Continue with your stupid questions like
👇
“Who gave you my numbers 😕?”
It’s about 4 months left..
Continue 😕😕

Just saw a white girl twerking.
Thought she was having a seizure

A girl started noticing a guy who stands in front of her home everyday in the evening. She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings and weekends. The guy never tried to talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and occasionally stealing a stare at her. It went on like that for a year and the girl understood the guy was in love with her but was too shy to express his feelings. So, she told her parents. They too saw him and liked him. They discussed with her grandparents about a likely marriage. But wanted her to make the first move. The next day , she went to him and said, Hi. I’m Jada. He said, Hi. I’m Smith. Hearing this, the girl was very happy as the names were matching like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett. The girl went on and said, I really appreciate your patience and decency. You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a year now. So, I understand that you are in love with me but too shy to say it. I think i really like you too and would love it if we get married. The guy smiled and said, Forgive me sister! Actually your home’s WIFI doesn’t have a password. So, i come here every evening after work to use free wi-fi to chat with my girlfriend!