Tips For Loosing Weight..! Slowly Turn Your Head To The Left Then Again To Your Right.. Repeat This Exercise When i Offer You Food…Thank Me Later

Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?”
–
“No”, she replies sleepily.
–
“I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I’m getting super powers!”
–
Emily replies groans: “Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!!”

I am given a wedding invitation card and I can see a writing at the bottom “RSVP” I think they mean “Rice and Stew Very Plenty”
I can’t miss this wedding

A mom visits her son🙂 for dinner who lives with a girl 🙄as a roommate😶. When they were eating, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty his roommate was😐. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious🤔. Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact😑, she started to wonder if there’s more between him and his roommate.🤨 Reading his mom’s thought, his son volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking😆, but I assure you, we are just roommates💁‍♂️.” About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver plate💁‍♀️. You don’t suppose your mother took it, do you😐? He said, “Well I doubt it, but I’ll email her just to be sure😕!”
He sat down and wrote,😆

Dear mom,😊
After your visit me, the silver plate has been missing.🙄 I’m not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house🙂, and I’m not saying that you didn’t take it, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.😶
Love,
Your son.🙂

Several days later, he received an email from his mother which
read:😁

Dear Son,
I’m not saying that you do sleep with your roommate😑, and I’m not saying that you don’t sleep with her✋: but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.💁‍♀️
Love,
Mom😅

Instead of feeding 5000 hungry people like jesus did,
pastors and prophets nowadays are
being fed by over 50000 hungry people.

When you start behaving like Eskom in your relationship,
don’t be mad when your partner finds a GENERATOR.

Imagine deleting all the pictures you took with your ex
Boom!! He/She becomes a celebrity
No evidence to show us you once dated.

I said, babe we will meet near Nandos
then boom i found her inside reading the
Menu📄..!!

Dating a skinny chick is a problem when she is like
”Babe switch off the fan it’s pushing me”

The pain of hearing a kid playing with English
that you need for interview.

You’ll think your Boyfriend is Romantic
when he Hold your hands on the Road
.
Only to realize He Can’t Read A Robot