I bought cheap power bank in Chinese shop,
i was happy until my phone started charging the power bank
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This guy comes back 4rm da toilet, when a women says to him, “Hey, you have left your GARAGE door open”!” As the man is zipping his fly up, he says with a big smile,”Did you see my big black hummer?” The woman replies, “Nope just a MINI COOPER with two flat tires.”
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*WE ARE BLACK AND WE DONT CARE WHAT THEY THINK OF US**
.
-We call every toothpaste COLGATE
We don’t care
-We call every cooking oil FISH OIL
We are proud
-We point at an empty chair and ask “Who’s sitting there ”
We are like that
-We call every cold drinks COKE
We don’t care
-We steal your belongings and help you look for them
We are just like that
-We name our dogs TIGER or Spider
We don’t give a f**k
-We promise to stab you with a slap or bare hand
We are sometimes strange
-We eat a fruit an expect to be healthy at the same time
We don’t care
-When electricity goes we go out and,check if it’s the whole street
We are just like that
-We blame atchar for smelling armpits even if we didn’t bath
We are sometimes weird
-We use a bar of soap till it looks like a Sim card
We don’t have a problem
-We buy something,skip instruction&ask neighbors how it’s used
We don’t care
-We withdraw money from an ATM then count it 3x before going
We are cautious
-We lock the car then try to open it 2 times before going
We are like that
-We pay R500 to a sangoma so we can know who stole R50
We are sometimes weird
-We turn off the volume just to smell what’s burning
We are like that
-When we go out we turn on the lights just to confuse thieves
We are smart
-We share beers and cigarettes but we don’t share opportunities
We are sometimes selfish
We are proud to be black and we love ourselves like that
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If your girlfriend don’t get on your nerves
it’s because she’s stressing her other boyfriend out
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78% of single girls but you are busy kissing your cousin
in your aunt’s house and telling her
that she is the only one on this planet😂😂
You see your life now Idiot
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Her : Boo i’m coming over
ME : I can’t wait baby
Her : But I’m on my period
ME : i said I can’t wait for you, I’m going somewhere.
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I have this guy I don’t wanna date and I don’t want anyone to date him
I just want him to stay single forever for my happiness😭😭
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imagine Marrying An Old Man For His Money And You Die First.
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Little Johnny walks into his mother’s room and catches her topless.
”Mommy, Mommy, what are those?” he says pointing to her chest.
“Well, son,” she says, These are Mommies balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven.
”Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied.
Two days later while his mother is making tea, Johnny rushes into the kitchen.
“Mommy, mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!”
“What do you mean?” says his mother.
“Well she’s out in the garden shed, lying on the floor.
Both of her balloons are out, Dad’s blowing them up, and she keeps yelling, ”God, I’m coming! God, I’m coming!”
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After completion of my B.Tech from a recognised college I Got a decent job in MNC as a Engineer.
Under tremendous pressure from family to get married, I went to meet a girl under the arranged marriage system of India. After meeting, the girl rejected me upfront because she didn’t like my Job. I was furious and told her ” Just wait and see after 5 years where this job is going to take me. You will be sorry”. Of course, I moved on and got married to another girl a year later.
After 5 years,
I saw the same beautiful lady at a traffic signal with her husband in a brand new Audi. And I was trying to kick start my Activa because the battery start was not working. She looks out of the car and briefly looks at me but without any hint of recognition due to helmet, and moves her eyes away!
At that moment, after driving a two wheeler for over 5 years, first time in my life I realized the value of a helmet.
😂😂😂
So always wear a helmet in your own safety!
Issued in the public interest by a sincere Engineer
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I will never watch a Nigerian movie again
how can a ghost wear a face mask?
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Men that beat their girlfriend’s if they did something wrong, aren’t real men..Us real men,we just ask for a pillow fight without letting her know there’s a brick inside my pillow
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Futsek is very important when you hallar your neigbours n
they keep quiet like they never heard anything
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Stupid Answers for Stupid Questions
1. Someone calls you at 2:am in
the night and ask you “are you
sleeping?”
Ans: no, I’m picking beans.
2. You’re making out with a girl
then you start pulling her pants
then she asks; what are you trying to
do?
Ans: I want to wash them for you
3. They see you coming out of
the bathroom, wet; ”did you just have
a bath?”
Ans: no, I fell into the toilet bowl
4. You standing right in front of
the elevator on the ground floor
going to your office, yet they ask;
”going up?”
Ans: no, I’m waiting for my office
to come down and meet me!
5. Your boyfriend comes home
with a bunch of flowers and you
still asks him; ”are those flowers?”
Ans: no baby, they’re carrots!
6. You’re in the queue at the
cinema to buy tickets, a friend
sees you and ask; ”what are you
doing here?”
Ans: I’m here to pay my school
fees!
7. When people see you lying
down with your eyes closed, they
still ask; ”are you sleeping?”
Ans: No! I’m practicing to die.
8. You went to a restaurant n the
waiter asks you: ”Plz can I get
you a table?”
Ans: No. I’m here to eat on the
floor.
9. Are you reading this post?
Ans:…..??????!!!!
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On the 31st December, I hired 20 people on my non existant company, bcos I was drunk. Now they keep calling me, they wanna start working. What can I do guys?
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When I’m on my deathbed,
I want my final words to be
“I left one million dollars in the
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