Love used to be blind but now
it has received its treatment.
Now it looks at your looks and bank balance too.

I will never lie again.
Today I was coming back from church, in the kombi
there sat a very pretty girl. All the guys in the bus were
staring at her. Some of them passed their destinations
without knowing. As for me, I was very proud of myself because I sat next to her. I did all the signs I could to make her feel my presence
but all in vain. An idea came to my mind. I took my
phone and dialed a fake number as guys always
do to attract girls’ attention.
Me: Hello Sam, I’m calling to tell you that I can’t make it today because I’ve just received a call from our CEO asking me to replace him at
a meeting bcz he is not yet back in tge country. Pls tell my brother to use my Range Rover 2017 to pick my mum from her dentist’. I will be home late. Thanks Sam. I will Sam. Once again, Thanks.
All this while, the girl
was looking at me. I said in my heart that she would fall for me if I spoke to her now ..
Me: Hi baby, y r u looking at me like that? R u surprised?
Girl: Pls pick up your phone battery. It fell when u
were taking your phone out of your pocket…..
I couldn’t raise my head till I got off the kombi Happy new month..

Those Girls That Put Their Whole Stomach In Leggings;
Are You Kangaroos??

I’m not mad that my girl cheated on me. I hate the fact that she said that guy was her uncle, I used to call that nigga “malome” when we were in his car

Some breakups can make you steal your mom’s phone
and text your girlfriend.
“why are you doing this to my son”

Sex in the shower is getting old✋
My brother put her in an oven then turn up the heat

It’s always the fine guy who walks up to you,
looks at you with charming eyes,
then whispers to your ear “my friend likes you”
.
while he points at a monkey with big forehead like rabbit

Have you noticed when a rich guy posts something on fb. They all rush to comment, “its true boss” or “you are right boss” even if it doesn’t make sense. But for those that are not rich like me,we have to be extra funny or making a lot of sense just to get people’s reactions.
My brother, its not easy to be poor.trust me

What is Mhlolo?
.
Mhlolo is when you give a lift to a
beautiful girl and she faints in your car. You take her to the
hospital and the doctor says she is pregnant and
congratulates you that you will soon be a father . You shout
that you are not the father but the girl insist that you are the
father……Things are now getting Mhloloful you now require a
DNA test to prove that you are not the father…Things
become Mhlolostic when the doctor comes with results
saying you cannot be the father because you are infertile….
You are relieved but on your way home you remember you
are married with three kids at home!….. Now you are
extremely Mhlolicious Now you begin to ask yourself who is
the father to those three kids?… Now you get home to find
out the father to those kids is your gateman … You are now
Mhloloned You then decide to go to your mum to tell her the
sad news… Your mum with tears running down her cheeks
tells you ‘my son I’m so sorry….your dad isn’t your real
dad’…. Then you know things are Mhlolocated And if you
dont forward this you are a Mhlolocriosis

You’All Are Marrying For Looks..I’m Marrying For Love,
If My Kids Are Ugly that’s their Problem

A Professor started his class on a very serious Topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the Whistler’s name. No one answered.

The Professor peacefully kept the Pen in his pocket saying: “Lecture ends here. I’ll tell you a story to utilise the remaining time”.

Everyone became interested.

“Yesterday night I tried hard to sleep, but it was miles away from my eyes, so I thought I’d better get petrol in my car, which will save my time next morning and might induce sleep. After having my tank full, I started roaming in that area, enjoying the peace of a traffic free ride.

Suddenly, on the corner I saw a girl who was as young and beautiful as the clothes she was wearing. Must have been returning from a party. Out of courtesy, I turned my car towards her and asked if I may be of any help. She asked me if I could drop her at her house, that she’ll be very obliged, to which I agreed.

She sat in the front seat with me. We started talking, and to my amazement she was very intelligent, had control on many topics which many youngsters don’t.

When we got to the address, she admitted my courteous nature and behavior and said that she had fallen in love with me.

I also admitted her intelligence and beauty and that I’ve also started liking her. I told her about my job as a professor in the university.

The girl asked for my number, which I gave her willingly. Then she asked me a favor, which I couldn’t have denied naturally.

She said that her brother is a student in the same university and asked me to take care of him, since we’ll be in a long relationship now.

I asked the name of the student. She said that I’ll recognise him with one of his very prominent qualities, *He whistles a lot!*

All eyes in the classroom turned towards the boy who had whistled…

The professor said: *”I didn’t buy my Ph. D in Psychology.. I earned it”!*
😂😂😂😂

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Me: I’d rather not, I really need this job!

I have a dig bick. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

u read that wrong!
That awkward when u realise u read that wrong, u also said “moment” after ‘awkward’!

Wierd YOU!