I will never allow my Grandma to stay in an old age home🙅‍♀️

She’s gonna stay with my sister.

Can’t wait until my best friend gets married because
I believe I’m gonna give the greatest speech
that’ll leave them crying for 4years.

Men lie too much
Imagine a guy without international passport telling you
bb u are the most beautiful girl in the whole world

When i Call My Parents And They Don’t Answer it’s No Big DEAL ✋😓 , But When They Call Me And i Don’t Answer it’s Like WORLD WAR III

A man tells his doctor that his wife has been denying him sex for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.

When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband any more.

“For the last 7 months,” the wife replies, “every morning I take a cab to work. I don’t make much money and my husband doesn’t give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, ‘So are you going to pay today or what?’ I always give him an ‘or what’. That makes me late to work I’m late, so the boss asks me, ‘So are we going to dock your salary, or what?’ That’s another ‘or what.’ On the way home, I take the cab and again I don’t have any money so the cab driver asks me, ‘So are you going to pay this time or what?’ And, again, I do an ‘or what’. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I’m all tired out and I don’t want sex any more.”

The doctor thinks for a second. “So,” he says, “are we going to tell your husband or what?”

My mother wanted to start using facebook
i told her that we pay R500 per month

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department – to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in
here.’ One of the Staff passed out.

My sister I’m warning you,Never date a Guy with two Legs👣
–
He might run🏃 away when you get Pregnant(

A woman called the police
station last Saturday evening
and said, “My husband has
gone out with a girlfriend
and right now am going after
them. I have a gun and when
I find them, I will kill both of
them right away”. The police
asked, “Where exactly have
they gone?”.
Woman: They went to watch
a certain Comedian show.
The police rushed quickly and
went to the place and made
sure they arrived earlier than
the woman. When they
reached the place, they took
the mic from the Comedian
and started announcing, “If
there is a married man here
and has come with a
girlfriend, you must leave
immediately. Your wife is
coming right now with a gun
to shoot both of you dead”.
The police were surprised
that the door became too
small as everyone was
running out and the show
ended because even the
Comedian himself ran out!!!

I hope no one one ever feels pressured into buying me something special when I’m visiting their home 🏠, I eat what everyone eats😃, I sit where everyone is sitting😃, I sleep where everyone sleeps😃, I was taught that at home and I grew up with it

I was studying at this college in Pretoria, then we went home for school holidays, when we return to school we have found that place turned into Somalian store that sells curtains…