Tourist: can you show me the way to the Mortuary?
Me: oh!! That’s easy, Just close your eyes and cross the road.
You’ll be there in no time🚶
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Mxm….
I have this annoying neighbour who keeps changing music
as if he’s listening alone
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Next Month im getting married
With or without a Wife.
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Let him buy you beer all night then cry and
tell him you want your boyfriend.
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Can’t wait until my best friend gets married because
I believe I’m gonna give the greatest speech
that’ll leave them crying for 4years.
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Ever realized that your brain speaks perfect English, but your mouth is the one that rounds it to the nearest Nonsense?
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I think FM stands for free mode.
That’s why radios don’t show pictures.
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Early morning husband woke up and ask his wife: “Would you like to join me for jogging?”
Wife: “Ohh! So you mean to say I am fat?”
Hubby: “No. Jogging is good for health.”
Wife: “Oh . . . that means I am sick.”
Hubby: “No no. If you don’t want to get up, then it’s OK . . . ”
Wife: “So now you think I am lazy, ha?”
Hubby: “Nooo! You are misunderstanding me. I didn’t mean.”
Wife: “Aha! So I don’t understand you because I’m an illiterate, right?”
Hubby: “Now look I didn’t say that.”
Wife: “So am I lying? ”
Hubby: I beg you please don’t stretch it in the morning”
Wife: “Oh, now so I am a quarrelsome nag, abi?
HUBBY: “Ok ok . . . You go off to sleep. I am going jogging alone . . . happy now?.”
Wife: “You always go alone everywhere and enjoy yourself.”
Hubby: “Please, please. I am feeling giddy now ”
Wife: “See? You are so selfish. Always think of yourself alone. You never think of my health.”
Grrrrrr . . . Husband is sitting and thinking where he went wrong.
Dedicated to all married men . . .
Thank you for always being patient with your wives . .
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I hate it when people say morning instead of good morning, morning what? Morning glory, morning after pill morning sickness…what ?
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After Smoking Weed
Boy1: what do you think will happen if I dial 11101 instead of 10111?
Boy2: maybe the police van will come on reverse
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Pls am very sorry for not updating regularly
this days, it’s because my iPhone 6 had a
problem and my iPad battery is dead, my sister is with
my Samsung galaxy note 4. Am just here at home
sitting alone since my parents travelled to
London. I would have loved to Skype with you but I
misplaced my Apple laptop power pack, so I have to hit
south Africa to get a new one. I wanted to visit the
mall tonight but my aunt went out with my bugatti
and my junior brother is out with the 2014 range
rover, the Toyota highlander had a little problem, the
tyre of Honda CRV is flat and I hate driving Lexus jeep
at night, I tried calling our driver to come and
pick me with my mums Ferrari but I don’t have any
credit , so can you please send me Load
so that I can call him plz?
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Ladies be looking like Rainbows nowadays
-Red Weaves
-Green Nails
-Blue Eyes
-Black Lips
-Yellow Teeth
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Mommy:baby 1+1 is
Baby:2
Mommy:how about i gave u two apples ur daddy gave u 6 apples what u say
Baby:Thank You
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This sanitizer make security guards behave like doctors
they hey come let me sanitashi you 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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Ladies please, when you wash your underwears pin them tight on the clothing line. Yesterday the wind blew my neighbors underwear into my bedroom and my wife refused to understand
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Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, triple-pane, energy-efficient kind.
Today, I got a call from Home Depot who installed them. The caller complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them.
Helloooo,……….. just because I’m a Senior Citizen doesn’t mean that I am automatically mentally challenged.
So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year–that these windows would pay for themselves in a year—
Hellooooo? It’s been a year, so they’re paid for, I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up.
He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
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