A Catholic Priest was dying in a hospital and asked the doctor to call a Police Officer & a politician .Within minutes, the two appeared. He asked them to sit on either side of the bed. The priest held their hands n kept quiet. The guys were so touched and at the same time felt very important for being summoned by a priest in his dying moment. Out of anxiety, the politician ask, ‘But why did you call us? ‘ The priest gathered all his strength and said, ‘Jesus died between two thieves…..I want to go the same way!!!!!!!!!!!”

People Love Attention
–
Aiiikhona
Why Take a Kia Picanto To The Car Wash
while
You Can Wash It With Dishes At Home?

When a girl rejects me , I tell my self that
she’s HIV positive and she doesn’t want to
infect me…

WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH A WOMAN IS REALLY STRESSFUL.
Wife: which teams are playing?
Husband: Arsenal vs Manchester United
Wife : oooh wonderful! I love Arsenal..
Husband: that’s a good team…
Wife: is Drogba playing?
Husband: he doesn’t play for any of these teams…
Wife: okay sweeet…is that Chris Brown?
Husband: [bored] no he is Chamberlain…
Wife : okay but they look the same…what’s that yellow card for?
Husband: its a warning to the player…
After few minutes Rooney scores for Manchester United….
Wife: [cerebrates in high mood] is that Chamberlain who has scored?
Husband: [calmly] no its Rooney for Manchester United…!!
Wife: [furious] how? it should be arsenal who
should have scored!!
Husband: [silent]
Wife: what is that red card for?
Husband : [bored] that means the player should go out of the pitch for misbehaving.
Wife: then is he going to be a coach?
Husband:[unwilling to answer] aaaaaaa no…
Wife: its the same with traffic lights: yellow=warning; red=danger.
Husband: exactly darling…
Wife :what about the green card?
Husband: mmmm nothing of that kind in a field of play….
Wife: I want arsenal to win the world cup…
Husband: [silent]
Wife: who is that man standing, who looks like Mr. Bean?
Husband: [bored] it’s the Arsenal coach ….Arsene Wenger.
Wife: that means the other opponent’s coach is Manchest Wenger?
Husband: [changes the channel]

This year I wanna meet a girl with books and files bump into her then they fall… We pick them up together look into each other’s eyes and live happily ever after

I received a call in the morning and the conversation was like this:
Me: hallo
Caller: do you have a heart?
Me: yes
Caller: do you have intestines?
Me: yes I do
Caller: OK am coming to take them..

He hung up.. Eeee I was like damn wat is happening to me. Am I dreaming??
He called again after some minutes..
Me (scared) :ha hallo!
Caller: hey sorry my brother, I thought I was calling the butcher , sorry wrong number my friend…

He hung up..

This policeman vowed that he
must extract at least 50bob from
this driver. After checking all his
particulars and saw that the man
had everything OK. The
policeman looked at the car boot
and saw a he goat that the man
bought for Xmas. “What about
that goat” the policeman asked.
the driver submitted the purchase
receipt. When the policeman
knew not what to ask for again,
he kept quiet for about 10
seconds, then asked, “what of the
birth certificate of the goat”

imagine paying R600 crecher fee and you
hear your kid saying “my name is four
years old”

Most ladies don’t know how to chat, they
just answer questions.

If you hate someone, Please hate him/her
alone. Don’t recruit other people to hate
him/her with you.That’s witchcraft.

Yesterday my boss sent me to buy a 2litre of milk

Then I found out only 1litres available,
and
turned back and told him..

He called me by names, and even told me straight that I’m stupid why I didn’t use my brain and buy two 1litres of milk to make it 2litre

And today he sent me to buy pair of size 6 sleepers shoes
I got all the sizes except size 6
So I used my brain and bought two pairs of size 3
To make it 6
Without a word, he used sign language
To alerted me to wait for him out side
Now he’s busy with his computer ,
I’m sure he want to give me some bonus end of the month

There is a lesbian struggling with heavy groceries infront of me, do I help her or let her be the man she’s trying to be?