THIS WOMAN…
An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said,
“Pardon me, madam..
I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress
is blowing up in this high wind?”
“Yes, I know,” said the lady.
“I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat.”
“But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties
and your privates are exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man
and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!”

When a girl tells you I’m not ready to date,
she is simply saying I don’t like you in a polite way.

A sophisticated looking Muslim lady walks into a tattoo shop and sits down.
The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated Muslim lady in his shop, runs over immediately and asks if he could help her.

To his shock and utter delight, she lifts up her long Silk Black Top and points to her right inner thigh – very high up. “Right here,” she says, “I want you to tattoo a Moon and Star and underneath it I want the word “Eid Mubarak.”

Then she points to her left thigh just as high up and says, “On this side, I want you to tattoo an evergreen tree with lights and tinsel and an angel on top and underneath it I want the word Christmas.”

The owner looks at her. “Ooh, lady, it’s none of my business, but that is probably the most unusual request I’ve ever heard. Why in the world do you want to do that?

“Well,” the lady said, “I’m sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there’s never anything good to eat between Eid and Christmas.”

I hate it when people say morning instead of good morning, morning what? Morning glory, morning after pill morning sickness…what ?

If You Love Someone Set Them Free.
If They Come Back, Set Them On Fire

Tomorrow I’ll be hosting a party at home,
it’s only for cute people, if you are ugly please don’t come
Even my self I won’t be there

After getting our land back, we are going for Ndebele speaking people.
You can’t speak Sepedi and IsiZulu at the same time.
You have to decide which language you want to speak between two of them…

That Annoying Moment When You Are Standing There Alone
Like A Lost Puppy While
Your Friend Talks To Someone You Don’t Know

Facebook got 50year old women saying they are single because they haven’t met the right guy. You gonna meet him soon, his name is Jesus

I mistakenly sent someone R 5000 through
e Wallet…in fact should I say I sent R5000to
a wrong number. After realizing this, I
calmed down and sent him/her this text
message: “Hello Dear, I hope you got the
membership welcome fee of R5000 to our
Satanism Church. We are glad and looking
forward to having you with us. That is just
the beginning of the richest life you are
about to start living. We hope you are as
excited to be joining our church as we are.
As I just said, that is a welcome salary. We
are having a meeting tonight whereby we
will slaughter 3 people in celebration of the
start of this month. Please invite over any
female person you may be close to. Lets
meet tonight at 8pm at YOUR PLACE. If you
haven’t shown any interest in our church
and you believe this is a mistake, kindly send
the money back to this number otherwise
welcome to our Church. See you tonight.” 10
Minutes later, I got a message saying send
another R5000 my friend is also interested’. I
fainted, people are so broke these days.

Your girlfriend and her parents are unemployed.
But she got a new iPhone 11 🙄

Come here bro, I won’t hit you