Father:Have you taken your maths test, son?
Son:Taken already.
Father:Did you get them all right?
Son:Only five wrong
Father:Not bad! By the way, how many sums altogether?
Son:Five.

A horny guy when proposing to an ugly chick be like:
“I hate to say this but I love you..!”

Do you know that Nigeria lifted the world cup trophy this morning, and two minutes later I woke up

Members if u can’t pray in English, please
pray in your local language .In church on
Sunday I heard someone say “lord you are
nothing without me”
Imagine going to hell because of grammar

WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH A WOMAN IS REALLY STRESSFUL.
Wife: which teams are playing?
Husband: Arsenal vs Manchester United
Wife : oooh wonderful! I love Arsenal..
Husband: that’s a good team…
Wife: is Drogba playing?
Husband: he doesn’t play for any of these teams…
Wife: okay sweeet…is that Chris Brown?
Husband: [bored] no he is Chamberlain…
Wife : okay but they look the same…what’s that yellow card for?
Husband: its a warning to the player…
After few minutes Rooney scores for Manchester United….
Wife: [cerebrates in high mood] is that Chamberlain who has scored?
Husband: [calmly] no its Rooney for Manchester United…!!
Wife: [furious] how? it should be arsenal who
should have scored!!
Husband: [silent]
Wife: what is that red card for?
Husband : [bored] that means the player should go out of the pitch for misbehaving.
Wife: then is he going to be a coach?
Husband:[unwilling to answer] aaaaaaa no…
Wife: its the same with traffic lights: yellow=warning; red=danger.
Husband: exactly darling…
Wife :what about the green card?
Husband: mmmm nothing of that kind in a field of play….
Wife: I want arsenal to win the world cup…
Husband: [silent]
Wife: who is that man standing, who looks like Mr. Bean?
Husband: [bored] it’s the Arsenal coach ….Arsene Wenger.
Wife: that means the other opponent’s coach is Manchest Wenger?
Husband: [changes the channel]

Why I will never teach pre-school kids AGAIN
……
.
At the creche where I work, there is a little
girl named Vicky. She is so cute and
sweet.Yesterday, just before knocking off, I
found her busy, trying to put on her shoes.I
approached her, and offered to help her. It
was
such a torrid time. The boots seamed to be
smaller than her size. It took me 5 minutes
to help her wear them. When we were done,
after making a steps away from her, she
called me said
“Teacher, you made me wear banana”.
When I looked at her shoes, to my
embarrassment, I realised I had misplaced
her shoes – the banana style. Upon trying to
take off the shoes again, it took me 3
minutes. After struggling so much I
eventually managed to remove them and
tried putting them on again, this time the
correct way. However, it was more difficult
than the first time.
When I finished, she said: “Teacher, these
shoes
are not mine!”
I really got angry, but since I work with little
kids,
I had to be patient and control my anger. I
struggled to remove the shoes. I then asked
Vicky where her own shoes were and this is
what she said:
“These shoes belong to my sister, my mum
is the
one who made me wear them in the
morning today”.
This time I boiled in anger. But since I
always do
my job perfectly and whole heartedly, I
helped her to put on the shoes again. When
we were done, Vicky pulled another
shocker, yet again.
“What about the socks, teacher?” she asked.
I wondered whether I should laugh or cry.
Politely and swiftly I asked her, “Where are
the socks Vicky?”
She innocently replied: “I shoved them in my
shoes, they are in front of my toes”
I simply resigned!

I Went on blind date with this blonde girl the other day…she suggested we go to Mcdonald’s to grab something to eat and I said, only if you can spell Mcdonald’s. She said…………Why dont we go to KFC instead?

Ko 10th Floor
.
Whites: Nice View
Blacks: Oka Jump For 10 Million?🙆

Don’t feel bad if you upload a picture
and nobody comments on it.
Who knows ?
Maybe you left everyone speechless .
I’m Just Saying

Sometimes you don’t realize your love for someone until they buy a car

First round….use condom
Second round….dont use condom
Third round…use condom
Forth round….dont use condom
.
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Thats how we confuse HIV!!!
Doing sex like that you cant get it. Try and thank me later

The funny thing about being a comedian is that no one knows when you’re serious, I wasn’t feeling fine last night and I texted a doctor “Hello doctor, please I’m not feeling fine, I’m having a headache all over my body, my bones are shaking, and my stomach is making a serious noise like a class full of grade11 students, I can’t even talk, please come to my house right now”
.
And the doctor just replied with “Lol” 😂😂

😏😏he thought I was joking