I swear every time I spell Wednesday there’s a little voice in my head
that says Wed-nes-day

I dont make enough money to go on vacation,
so I’m just going to get drunk this weekend until
I dont know where I am.

She Left Note On Fridge- It’s Not Working! Can’t Take It Anymore.
He Opened D Fridge,
The Beer Was Cold Nd Said-
WTF Is She Talking About?

It’s now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed.
Maybe it’s time I go there personally and find out what’s wrong😢

Difference Between Frnd & Wife.
U Can Tell Ur Frnd- You Are My Best Frnd.
But Do U Hav Courage Tell 2 Ur Wife- U R My Best Wife?

If you see me drinking Gordon’s straight from the bottle – no dash, this december, please mind your own business. 💀
I know what I’m doing.
It’s been a rough year.

If i cheat on you for 3 months without you finding out…
Just know it’s over between us..

Dear Future wife
You must know we will be married
forever and never divorce.
The following must be done to
divorce me…
*I want our divorce to take place in a
church we got married at, by the
pastor who’ve blessed our marriage
and all the people who witnessed our
vows. If we were able to invite em to
witness our marriage, I guess they
also have the right to come and
witness our divorce.Should any of the
witnessed die, forget about the
divorce, I won’t go for it.
.
*I want all my money I’ve spent on
our wedding celebration,
catering,food,drinks and rings …it will
be used on our divorcing
celebration,notforgetting the lobola
bride prize with interest of 25%
compounded annually.
.
*Seven goats and two cows must be
slaughtered to cleanse your shame of
disappointing my ancestors with our
divorce…all the goats must be green
in colour. Strictly no any other colour.
.
*Go and fetch all those woman
who’ve been trying their luck on me,
but I refused their proposals coz I
valued our marriage and thought I
wasn’t gonna betray and cheat on
you. Please go talk to em on my
behalf…I want em all.
.
*Your uncles who were negotiating
your lobola bride prize must be there
to renegotiate my refund. If one of the
uncles who was there on negotiations
had passed away or something, forget
about the divorce I want him there
.
*After finishing all of the things above,
I want a sourmoon, take me to a
place where I took you for our
honeymoon, and spent the same
period of time we spent on
honeymoon.better pray that we find
the same people we found there the
time we were there for our
honeymoon, should we find different
people..forget about the divorce

I have noticed that most churches ⛪ are fighting against Satan 😈
.
But there’s one church that decided to fight against pigs

Do you believe in these “Girl codes” / “Bro codes”? Are they necessary? Why or why not? Would you date your friends ex? Let’s talk. 💁

WHO IS THE MOST STUPID?
PETER: “I want my money now!”
JOHN: “I will kill myself so that I won’t pay
you”. he pulled a gun and shot himself
dead​
PETER: “Hahaha… If you think u’ll get away
with my money u r wrong, I will follow u
until u pay me!”. he takes the gun and
shot himself dead as well.​
JAMES was watching from a distance he
laughed and said: “These guys are funny, I
must watch this till the end”… *he also took
the gun and killed himself!
Do you want to know how it ended? You
know what to do…

Saw a man standing on one leg at an ATM
Confused,i asked him what he was doing
He said, “just checking my balance ”