When you are no longer in love with a guy
, the sound of his snoring irritates you ,
but when you are still in love with him you
will be tempted to record it and use as
your ringtone

The traffic cops notice a car being driven erratically up ahead and when they draw near they see the driver clattering his dog on its head. They pull him over and the lead cop goes up to the car and says ‘Not only am l booking you for driving without due care and attention, l’m also booking you for cruelty to animals.’ The bloke says ‘lf you knew what this dog had done you’d give him a clout as well’. ‘Why?’ says the cop ‘ What’s he done?’ The bloke says ‘He’s just eaten my licence and insurance.’

I will hand over my whole salary to the person
who will tell me why the letter
“W” starts with a letter “D”.

If you know you not planning to cheat in December.
Please go straight to January
we don’t need negative energy around us..!!

I was at shoprite then there’s this lady who was staring at me as if she had never seen someone drinking coke and putting it back in the fridge

I hate saying my name when I’m knocking on the door🚪.😕

I be like “ke nna” 😃

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on his wife’s movements. The husband demanded more than just a written report – he wanted a video of his wife’s activities. A week later, the detective returned with a tape and sat down to watch it with the husband. As the tape played, he saw his wife meeting another man. He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them having a playful fight in the street. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. When the tape ended, the distraught husband said: “I can’t believe this !” “What’s not to believe?” asked the detective. “It’s right up there on the screen. The camera never lies.” The husband replied: “What I mean is,
I can’t believe my wife is so much fun!”

That irritating moment when u just can’t
seem to locate the longer side of your
blanket during that harsh winter night! You
try pulling your blanket to cover your head,
but your two naughty feet keep on popping
out. Damn you winter!!! What power do you
have to make us suffer!!

I stopped trusting girls when my grade 3 girlfriend left me for a boy
who had new crayons in class

Pillow fights with bae should end in 2018..
Next year we are using frying pans

That awkward moment when your friend says keep chasing your dreams and you keep chasing his girlfriend…

Remember growing up saying “I want to
be a pilot”.
20 years later the only thing you do related
to airplanes is FLIGHT MODE on your phone.

I almost cried in the Bus today when one
girl said “Please increase the volume of the window,
heat is happening to me”.

My Roommate’s parents were here today
so before they leave they took out R500
and said we gonna see what to buy
.
So my Roomate doesn’t wanna give me my
R250