I Remember telling people who were in a Titanic that its going to sink and no one was interested in listening to me.
I screamed and said “get out now” and no one got off the ship. I screamed my lungs out and said “for the fucken last time, get out of that ship right now guys”.And That’s was the last time i warned the victims before i was thrown out of the cinema for good.

A man tells his doctor that his wife has been denying him sex for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.

When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn’t she want to have sex with her husband any more.

“For the last 7 months,” the wife replies, “every morning I take a cab to work. I don’t make much money and my husband doesn’t give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, ‘So are you going to pay today or what?’ I always give him an ‘or what’. That makes me late to work I’m late, so the boss asks me, ‘So are we going to dock your salary, or what?’ That’s another ‘or what.’ On the way home, I take the cab and again I don’t have any money so the cab driver asks me, ‘So are you going to pay this time or what?’ And, again, I do an ‘or what’. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I’m all tired out and I don’t want sex any more.”

The doctor thinks for a second. “So,” he says, “are we going to tell your husband or what?”

THIS WOMAN…
An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said,
“Pardon me, madam..
I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress
is blowing up in this high wind?”
“Yes, I know,” said the lady.
“I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat.”
“But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties
and your privates are exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man
and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!”

Stop making people feel ashamed for not
going to church. Respect other people’s
beliefs and laziness.

Death came to a guy and said,
“My frnd today is ur day”
Guy: “But Im not ready!”.
Then death said,
“Well ur name is the next on my list”.
Guy: “Okay why don’t
u take a seat and I will
get u something to eat before we go?”.
Then death said,
“All right”
The guy gave death some
food with sleeping pills in it,
death finished eating
and fell into a deep sleep.
The guy took the list
& removed his name from top
of the list and put
into the bottom of the list…
When death woke up
he said to the guy,
“Because u have been so very nice to me,
I will start from
the BOTTOM of the list

Matt: Hey Dr. Park, this is Matt from the Vascular lab. I have an outpatient here with an external iliac occlusion with cold foot pin and numbness that started 3 days ago. What should I do with her?

Hannah: Hi, this is Hannah. I think you have the wrong number, but I Googled it and I’m pretty sure u need to put a stent in her left radial artery. Best of luck, Matt!

Matt: Sorry, wrong number Hannah. She ended up actually getting a stent. Took about 3 hours longer for trained medical professionals to figure out what took you 3 minutes.

Hannah: Yoooo, yall hiring?

Nothing raises a man’s blood pressure than
a side chick refusing to take morning after pills

*Teacher* : Name the 5 most corrupt
countries in Africa…
*Montana:* Ghana, Kenya, Uganda, Somalia
and nigeria.
*Teacher* : What about South Africa?
*Montana* : When counting sinners, do u
include satan?
Have sweet dreamland

Men who give their women their ATM cards
and Payslips with their whole salaries,
have a special corner in Heaven with
air conditioners and Free WiFi

Your problems are small if you’re still praying in English my friend.
•°•
African problems don’t understand English! ✋✋