Maybe i should Pretend to be gay so that
my crush can bath in front of me.

Boy and girl in restaurant
Boy:I love you
Girl: I don’t love you
Boy: think again BBY
Girl: no no and no
Boy:Waiter bring separate bills📄📄 please
Girl:OK OK ……I love you too bby

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Calvin says, “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, have an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of Calvin, decides not to give importance to what he has said and then continues the lesson.
“And you, Amanda?” the teacher asks.
Amanda says, “I wanna be Calvin’s Bitch”

Girl: Bae u always think about football. I
cant remember the last time we had sex.
All because of this game
Boy: Sorry babe. Lets do it now
Girl: Sho. So wats your favourite position
Boy: Left wing.

A guy sat quietly in a bar very much
preoccupied about what his life will be from
his work.
All of a sudden, the city’s most notorious
bouncer kicked him off his chair onto the
floor and said to him, “that’s Karate for you,
Made in Japan.”
Knowing that he didn’t stand a chance with
him, he quietly woke up and went to sit
back at the his chair.
A while later, the bouncer came back with a
smack right onto the guy’s face and said
again, “that’s KUNG FU, made in China.”
A not so long, the bouncer kicked him again
and said, “That’s Taekwondo, made in
Korea.”
Thereafter, he walked to the bartender
ordered his beer and started drinking.
Infuriated, the guy went left the bar with
minor bruises.
About ten minutes later, the guy came back
and smacked the sh!!t out of the bouncer
knocking him out instantly.
Just then, he looked at the barman and said,
“when that bastard wakes up, tell him that
was a shovel(Foxolo), made in New York!”…

People who have positions in church think
they’re God’s biological kids and
the rest of us are adopted.

Two friends were walking home and a Lady happened to be Blowing a Kiss 😘 to one of them…..from the window of a Single Storey building.

1st friend:
Man, it looks like that Babe is
Blowing kisses at me…

2nd friend:
Guy leave her alone,
Don’t pay any attention to her.
(Then the lady signalled 🙋 to Him to come)

1st friend:
Man the babe is calling me!

2nd friend:
My friend, Don’t go.

1st friend:
Why would you ask Me not to go
When a fine Babe like that is calling me?

2nd friend:
Pal, l’m begging you,
Please Don’t go, please Don’t go

The Friend ignored Him…
And went over to the Lady,
She went to meet Him
And they both went upstairs.
Suddenly as they were about to have Fun,
They heard a Car honking.

Lady: (on opening the window)
Hell ! That’s my Husband!!

1st friend:
Shit! I’m in Trouble!!

Lady:
Don’t worry, just pretend
Like you’re the Laundry man
And iron these Clothes,
Pointing at a heap of Clothes.

The Guy spent the whole Day…
Ironing clothes because
The Husband never left home that day.

The next day he went over to his Friend’s place

1st friend:
Pal, can you believe that it was
Clothes and Clothes l ironed
Throughout the day yesterday.

2nd friend:
But I told you not to go.
All those clothes you ironed,
l WASHED THEM THE PREVIOUS DAY !!!

Men will be Men

That Protex soap is the best I tell you, real original.
I’m still using the one I bought in June… Still not finished

I just found my cousin’s SIM CARD who
died 4 years ago
I’m thinking of Texting his girlfriend and
say”Guess who’s back.

That girl u are eyeing is beutyfull,
because her boyfriend is not stingy like u,
ladies is the volume oky

I’ve started receiving texts mostly from ladies like:
“Its being a while”
“I Missed you so much”.
“You’re so sweet my dear”.
“Where are you?”
😳😳😳
BUT
No weapon formed against my wallet will prosper this Valentines day
Amen