Mens always pies in the garden and
Girls in the bathroom
Now you need to know way your gatden smells
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Some People Have Only Dated One Person And Found Their Soulmates💏..And Then There’s Us Going Around Doing Auditions..
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A Mature Lady Gets Pulled Over For Speeding
Lady: “Is There A Problem, Officer?”
Traffic Cop: “Yes Mam, I’m Afraid You Were Speeding.”
Lady: “Oh, I See.”
Cop: “Can I See Your License Please?”
Lady: “Well, I Would Give It To You But I Don’t Have One.”
Cop: “Don’t Have One?”
Lady: “No. I Lost It 4 Years Ago For Drunk Driving.”
Cop: “I See, Can I See Your Vehicle Registration Papers Please.”
Lady: “I Can’t Do That.”
Cop: “Why Not?”
Lady: “I Stole This Car.”
Cop: “Stole It?”
Lady: “Yes, And I Killed And Hacked Up The Owner.”
Cop: “You What!?”
Lady: “His Body Parts Are In Plastic Bags In The Trunk If You Want To See”
The Cop Looks At The Woman And Slowly Backs Away To His Car While Calling For Back Up.
Within Minutes 5 Police Cars Circle The Car.
A Senior Officer Slowly Approaches The Car, Clasping His Half Drawn Gun.
Officer: “Mam, Could You Step Out Of Your Vehicle Please!”
The Woman Steps Out Of Her Vehicle.
Lady: “Is There A Problem Sir?”
Officer: “My Colleague Here Tells Me That You Have Stolen This Car And Murdered The Owner.”
Lady: “Murdered The Owner? Are You Serious?!”
Officer: “Yes, Could You Please Open The Trunk Of Your Car, Please.”
The Woman Opens The Trunk, Revealing Nothing But An Empty Trunk.
Officer: “Is This Your Car, Mam?”
Lady: “Yes, Here Are The Registration Papers.”
The Cop Is Quite Stunned.
Officer: “My Colleague Claims That You Do Not Have A Driving License.”
The Woman Digs Into Her Handbag And Pulls Out A Clutch Purse And Hands It To The Officer.
The Officer Examines The License Quizzically.
Officer: “Thank You Mam, But I Am Puzzled, As I Was Told By My Officer Here That You Didn’t Have A License, That You Stole This Car, And That You Murdered And Hacked Up The Owner!”
Lady: “Bet The Lying Bastard Also Told You I Was Speeding, Too.”
So, Don’t Mess With Mature Ladies
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It took SAB just 2 days to deliver beers to all 9 provinces , department of education is struggling to deliver masks and sanitizers for the past 3 weeks now , we have wrong people working for the gorvernment
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*WE ARE BLACK AND WE DONT CARE WHAT THEY THINK OF US**
.
-We call every toothpaste COLGATE
We don’t care
-We call every cooking oil FISH OIL
We are proud
-We point at an empty chair and ask “Who’s sitting there ”
We are like that
-We call every cold drinks COKE
We don’t care
-We steal your belongings and help you look for them
We are just like that
-We name our dogs TIGER or Spider
We don’t give a f**k
-We promise to stab you with a slap or bare hand
We are sometimes strange
-We eat a fruit an expect to be healthy at the same time
We don’t care
-When electricity goes we go out and,check if it’s the whole street
We are just like that
-We blame atchar for smelling armpits even if we didn’t bath
We are sometimes weird
-We use a bar of soap till it looks like a Sim card
We don’t have a problem
-We buy something,skip instruction&ask neighbors how it’s used
We don’t care
-We withdraw money from an ATM then count it 3x before going
We are cautious
-We lock the car then try to open it 2 times before going
We are like that
-We pay R500 to a sangoma so we can know who stole R50
We are sometimes weird
-We turn off the volume just to smell what’s burning
We are like that
-When we go out we turn on the lights just to confuse thieves
We are smart
-We share beers and cigarettes but we don’t share opportunities
We are sometimes selfish
We are proud to be black and we love ourselves like that
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A month ago i gave my number to this beautiful girl😊😋……she said “I will text You when i get home”
I think she is homeless😕 cause i’m still waiting
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Nothing Is More 👶🏿Childish Than
Being Angry At Me For Forgetting
Your Birthday
Did I Give Birth To
You ? 😂
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The way I’m so drunk
_
_
I used a calculator to post
this…
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Bill: Why are you so tense?
Jack: Just fought with my wife. That woman just fights for no reason at all.
Bill: Why what happened?
Jack: We both were excited and about to start having sex …
she removed her Top and jeans ….
I just asked why are you wearing your sister’s Underwear ..
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If children of israel were like girls of today
while crossing the red sea, they would have
spent the whole day in the middle of the sea
taking pictures and uploading on facebook, twitter, Instagram and all types of social networks with posts/status like:
1. Chilling with Moses
2. Miracle things on point .
3. Me and Moses before crossing the sea.
4. Can’t wait to see the promised land
5. Pharaoh dololo can’t catch us.
6. Eee what a Fish 😍
7. Finally we have won the battle
8. Tholukuthi Moze is our chief 😜😜😜
9. Moses the coolest nigger
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Your mama so old she always say
oh i am old but cant spell the word old
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Ladies
Never say all he wanted was sex when all you can offer him is sex……..
Did you try giving him your father’s land and he refused?????
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Just Head Someone Saying “I Hate It When I
Am Cooking & Someone Open The Door Of The
Pot & Listen To The Salt”
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People Who Understand Harry Potter Movies ,
Are Mentally Disturbed
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I told a zulu-girl that I want to take her to cinema
and she said you know what “I hate that restaurent”…
.
I’ve been fainting since
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I commented on my girlfriends pic and she replied
thanks bro
Yaz im hurt deep inside
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