When A White Person Asks You For Directions
And In Your Head You’re Like
“You Stole This Land, You Should Know It”

When you think about it, you don’t really wash your hands,
they just wash each other and you just stand there looking at them
like some kind of supervisor

If you wanna know the truth about yourself😉
Offend your neighbour..

Our Father😍
Who art in Valentine’s day💑🌸❤️
Hallow be thy dates💖💐
Thy Gifts and Kisses🌷🌼😘😍
Thy will be handed out💯❤️✅
As we watch pure sadness✋😚💔
Give us the luck💋💖💓👀☝️
Find the date’s before 14th👫💑😍
And forgive us for rejecting other kids🤗😇🤔
As we forgive those who shapa us with Stena💔💯🙅
Lead us not into single world✋🏃🛑❌
Deliver us from cheating💔💮💯😍✋🏃
For thy is the reason🙅🏃✋🙄🤔💛
Wr stay single forever and ever AMEN❤️💖👀💝

Nurse: “Sir, Your Wife’s Phone”

Doctor: “What’s The Matter?”

Nurse: “She Wants To Kiss You”

Doctor: “I’m Busy, You Take Her Kiss & Give Me Later“

If you didn’t smoke🚬 WEED🌿 before it was Legalised,
Please don’t start now because you weren’t there when we fought for freedom😏

Koos comes home drunk and his wife is spitting mad and pushes him out of the house. She shouts to him that he is not coming inside when he is this state. Koos climbs into the dog kennel with the dog and falls asleep. The next evening he comes home again roaring drunk and the wife shoos him out of the house and again he climbs into the dog house with the dog. This goes on for 5 days in a row. The 6th evening, he comes home sober and the wife is very happy and allows him back in the house. The following evening Koos arrives home steaming drunk and the wife shoos him out of the house, so he starts to climb into the dog house when the dog bites him. Koos shouts at the dog “what was that for?” the dog replies…. “where were you last night?

I’ve started receiving texts mostly from ladies like:
“Its being a while”
“I Missed you so much”.
“You’re so sweet my dear”.
“Where are you?”
😳😳😳
BUT
No weapon formed against my wallet will prosper this Valentines day
Amen

Sometimes I use big words that I don’t understand
so I can sound more photosynthesis

A taxi passenger tapped🤚 the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed😱, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.😵
For a second everything went quiet in the cab🙄, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again🤚😏. You scared the daylights out of me😪!” The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.😐 “The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.

Being attractive is tough.
Everybody wants to sleep with you but nobody wants to love you

Vodacom be like:
Recharge with R250 airtime for three years every month to unlock your R3 advance