Santa Wrote Bill Gates About PC & Windows Problems.
1 My Child Learned MS Word Now He Wants MS Sentence.
2 There Is Only Re-Cycle But No Re-Scooter, I Need It, As I Owe A Vespa Scooter.
3 I See MS Office But I Need MS Home, As I Use PC At Home.
4 Finally, I am Confused That Your Name Is Gates But You Are Selling Windows, Why?
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Her:Bbe
Him:yes love❤
Her:I’m pregnant
Him:buh we used protection
Her:wa phapha who said the baby is yours??
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A Zimbabwean policeman stops at a ranch in rural Mvurwi and talks with an old farmer.
He tells the farmer, ‘I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs.’ The old farmer says, ‘Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.’ The policeman verbally explodes saying,
‘Mister, I have the authority of the State with me.’ Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his ID. The policeman proudly displays it to the farmer. ‘See this ID? This ID means I am allowed to go wherever I wish..on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?’
The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and sees the police running for his life and close behind is the farmer’s bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer. The police is clearly terrified. The old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..
“Your ID! SHOW HIM YOUR ID!”
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This December we going partying with gym clothes in a bag
so that in the morning we come home jogging to confuse the enemy.
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Look, i’m not saying that I’m Spiderman
but so far nobody has seen me in the same room
with him so how can u tell that i’m not spiderman??
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I Don’t Know Who Needs To Hear This But
.
.
.Don’t Lose Yourself Trying To impress Us
On Social Media
WE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS…
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Once An Indian And An American Both Were Friends.
They Both Went Into A Chocolate Store.
Everybody Is Busy In The Store So American Steal 3 Chocolates And Put Those In The Pocket.
Both Came Out From The Store Then American Said: “Man, I’m The Best Thief Ever, I Stole 3 Chocolates And No One Saw Me, You Can’t Beat That.”
Indian Replied: “This Is Nothing, You Wanna See Something Better, Lets Go Back To The Shop And I Will Show You Real Stealing.”
So They Went To The Counter And Indian Said To The Shop Boy: “Do You Wanna See Magic?”
Shop Boy Replied: “Yes, Of Course.”
Indian Said: “Give Me One Chocolate Bar.”
Shop Boy Gave Him One, And He Ate It.
Indian Asked For The Second, And He Ate That As Well.
Indian Asked For The Third, And Finished That One Too.
The Shop Boy Asked: “But Where Is The Magic?”
Indian Replied: “Check In My Friends Pocket, And You’ll Find Them.”
You Can’t Beat An Indian.
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Teacher :do you know why you are in school…
Student :noooohhhhh!!!
Teacher:because you parents saw you as fools….
Students :do you know why you are teaching us…
Teacher:you can guess….
Students :because fools can only be taught by fools to be comprehensive
Teacher:😨😨😨
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Two friends, Jim and Paul are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers up against a wall and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.
While this is going on, Jim slips something into Paul’s hand. Without looking down, Paul whispers, “What is this?”
Jim replies, “It’s that $50 I owe you.”
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William Sexfear’s One Good Way To Reduce Alcohol Consumption
Before Marriage – Drink Whenever You Are Sad
After Marriage – Drink Whenever You Are Happy
Must Read William Sexfears Jokes
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My Trust Issues Started When Mom Said ”
Come Here,I Won’t Beat You”..
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Bra Solly walked in a bar and aggressively shouted his order to the barman.
“Please give me 250g steak and pap and give everyone 500g steak and pap because when I eat I want everyone else to eat as well!”
The barman gave him his meal and everyone else theirs. When they finished their meal he shouted another order.
“Give me a bottle of brandy and everyone else a bottle of whisky (johhnie walker black) because when I drink I want everyone to drink”.
Everyone was happy and they started singing Bra Solly’s praises saying SOLLY is the man!!
When Solly finished his drink he shouted again,
“Give me my bill and give everyone else their own bill because when I pay for my meal and drinks I want everyone to pay for theirs!”
Bra Solly will be buried this coming Saturday!
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A CCTV footage doesn’t scare me✋
I’ve denied my own fingerprints before
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Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings several times until one of the men engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello?”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only R1500. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2012 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “R450000”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking R950000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer 900,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”
MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”
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A man wakes up in hospital:
man: what happened.
Doctor: you have been in a serious
accident.
Man: am I going to be ok?
Doctor: I have some good news and
some bad news.
Man: what’s the bad news?
Doctor: we have had to amputate
both your legs.
Man: oh my God, no. What’s the
good news?
Doctor: the man in the next bed
wants to buy your shoes.
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On the 31st December, I hired 20 people on my non existant company, bcos I was drunk. Now they keep calling me, they wanna start working. What can I do guys?
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