My goal for this year is to be crazy rich…..
im already crazy.

Hi guys. I lost my phone with all your contacts. Please DM me with your full names and surname, your number, ID number, certified ID copy of your parent, gender, email address, certified copy of proof of residence and your ID photo.
Thank you.

Zimbabwean National Army has been training ever since i was a kid but Zimbabwe has never had any war ,, why cant they organize a friendly match with Boko haram??*

just thinkiní

9 REASONS WHY I DONT WATCH NIGERIAN MOVIES..
1. A flash back plays 40 mins.
2. Millionaires have gate men instead of electric gates.
3. Females wake up with earings and make-up in the morning.
4. When petience ozokor wants to poison someone she first tastes the poison but never dies.
5. They cut grass with a panga instead of a slasher.
6. 20years later in the movie but the family dog is still alive.
7. A ghost looks both sides before crosing the road.
8. People always ask for a menu at restaurants but end up ordering rice and chicken.
9. No matter how low your Tv volume is ,the movie will always make a huge soundooo…..!!

Pastor Matome stood up and announced “today I have good news and bad news bazalwane!… The good news is that,we have enough money in this church to build a new,spacious modern church bazalwane!” Everyone in the church stood up,cheereing,singing and with applause! The pastor went on… “And the bad news is that, the money is still in your pockets!”

When a slayqueen stops posting on Facebook, it means she is pregnant… And when she starts with “I am back…who missed me?” It means the ABORTION was successful.. Brothers, after God fear women.. 😜😜😜😜

Why Do Women Think it’s Ok To Get Home After A Long Day , Greet A Nigga Then Take Off The Wig Like it’s Nothing ? 😨😰 So This Wig is Meant For The Streets 😕😒 While i Deal With All The Evil Under it At Home

Before: they said to be robbed of you, just not being burned out…
Now: you have a fire.. you are still stealing.
…
Before: when burned, it will help with the fire.
Now: Let’s visit a fire video.
..
Before: Children, go into the house, there are some Japanese!
Today: Children, get undressed, there are some Japanese!
..
Noon: Pray before meals.
Today: selfie before meals.
..
Before: when flooding lumilikas
Now: when flooding, picture picture post on Facebook plus instagram.
..
Before: many men are so handsome
Today: many handsome men are so handsome
..
Before: a lot of gentle girls
Today: there are many gentle men amputik!!!
..
Before: if it’s nice to court you right away.
Now: if you look good at first, maybe gay,
..
Before: if handsome, womanizer
Now: even a ugly womanizer, sometimes it is still choosy! Shameless face!
..
Before: wait for the moon before getting married!
Now: wait wait for the stomach before marriage.
..
Before… not all women beautiful
Today… not all beautiful girls
..
The courtship before and now
Before: separated wood, water water, climbing wild
Now: Find, talk, deal
..
It was still a trend to serenade..
Now sit, story and pagkatayo, you!
..
Before: if you’re not in the group, you’re caught in the topic
Now: if you’re not in the group, you are the topic

A man and his wife were in court to have divorce. The problem in contention was who was the owner of the child. The man or the woman? The woman jumped up and said my Lord, I am the owner of the child, I brought her into this world, with pain and labour alone. The judge then turn to man and gave him the chance to defend himself and the man said my lord mine is a question, when you insert your ATM card into the ATM machine and the money comes out does the money belong to you or the machine?

Do not get jealous if you are single this Valentines. Always remember that chocolates can cause diabetes. Flowers will dry and lose their beauty. Balloons will deflate. Letters will go old. And most importantly, they will soon break up.
Nothing lasts forever

Nyaa gambled with all his university money at the casino before even the end of the first term ,

He calls his father at home. “Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing into! They actually have a program here in school that will teach our dog, phezukwakhe, how to talk!”

“That’s amazing,” his Dad says. “How do I get Phezukwakhe (the dog) into the program?”

Nyaa smiling said, “Just send him down here with R15 000. “I’ll get him into the course dad.”

So, his father sends the dog and R15000. About two weeks to the end of the first term, Nyaa gambled and ran out of money again

His father called
“So how’s Phezukwakhe doing son?” his father asks.

“Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this, they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!”

“Read!?” says his father, “No kidding! I’ll love Phekwakhe to read too!”

Nyaa smiling said, “That will be no problem dad. Just send R40000, I’ll get him into the class.”

The money promptly arrives. But Nyaa then had a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read.

So he killed the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

“Where’s Phezukwakhe? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!”

“Dad,” Nyaa says, “I have bad news. Yesterday morning, just before we wanted to drive home, Phezukwakhe was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading a Newspaper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, “So, is your daddy still sleeping around with that woman who lives in town?”

The father exclaimed, “I hope you killed that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!

Since yestdy I hvn’t been able to go to work cz my neigjbour cheated on his wife and she got angry nd shouted at him that she will also hav sex with all the neighbours
I’m still there waiting for my turn but she has’nt arrived till now,why women liars???

Guys please help a brother out,
how long do pop corns take to pop?😐
I mean I’ve already added 4 cups of water

Him: baby can I see you today?
Her: John Cena
Him: what?
Her: you can’t see me.