If you see me drinking Gordon’s straight from the bottle – no dash, this december, please mind your own business. 💀
I know what I’m doing.
It’s been a rough year.

There are 2 thoughts in a girl’s mind
when they want to visit a guy for the first time.
“I will not have sex with him” &
“let me shave, just in case”

Death came to a guy and said,
“My frnd today is ur day”
Guy: “But Im not ready!”.
Then death said,
“Well ur name is the next on my list”.
Guy: “Okay why don’t
u take a seat and I will
get u something to eat before we go?”.
Then death said,
“All right”
The guy gave death some
food with sleeping pills in it,
death finished eating
and fell into a deep sleep.
The guy took the list
& removed his name from top
of the list and put
into the bottom of the list…
When death woke up
he said to the guy,
“Because u have been so very nice to me,
I will start from
the BOTTOM of the list

Guys if you have forgotten your Vaseline don’t panic. We will wait for those Chef in the kitchen to go to sleep then we gonna steal those Olive oil.

I swear every time I spell Wednesday there’s a little voice in my head
that says Wed-nes-day

When you’re in a taxi and it’s start moving before you sit down
and you end up kissing someone’s grandmother’s forehead

Some of you ladies your boyfriends are out there telling their sidechick
that they won’t break-up with you cz you might kill yourselves

When I’m drunk I become very alert… Before crossing the road I look left and right for cars and bikes, then look up for Aeroplanes and then look down for bombs, I look back for kidnappers and after that I hold my beer tight and walk zigzag to avoid bullets.

*2 villages decided to have a drinking competition.*

A week before the competition, Village A sent Muza to Village B to confirm if the competition will be held.

On arrival, the people of Village B brought 20Ltrs of their strongest ram brewed beer.

Muza asked if he could taste and he was permitted to.

Instead of just tasting, he finished the 20Ltrs at once, and said: *”This is ok….. Where is the main drink?”*

The King and the people of this village were all shocked because nobody had ever taken more than 5Ltrs of this beer and stood breathing!

Then they asked him, *”Are you among the competitors?”*

Muza said, *”Me? Nooooo! I didn’t qualify…”*

_Competition cancelled.