When your girlfriend say ” I’m out with my friends” and you ask her which ones? And she says “You don’t know them” 🙁
.
My brother you better be prepared, you might as well start processing the break-up papers. She’s cheating sham

My sister Listening to your heart more than your stomach
will make you date broke guys and eat love

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

“Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,

very closely:

“Are – my – test – results – back?”

At church service⛪
–
Pastor called Rich infront of congregation for a prophecy🎤
–
Pastor: Can I prophecy?😶
–
Rich: Yes Man Of God😮
–
Pastor: Do I know u? Have we Met before?😐
–
Rich: Not at all Pastor! And its my first time coming here☺
–
Pastor: You have blankets at home😕
–
Rich: Yes that’s true pastor😊
–
Pastor: you eat food and drink water for almost everyday😕
–
Rich: Yes papa! Go deeper papa go deeper!
–
Pastor: And your mother is a woman

A pregnant teenager slammed the door of a taxi and the driver shouted:
“You should have closed your legs that way!”

Are U 18 yrs & above?
Do u have a valid ID passport?
Can U speak English & any other language?
Are U lookin for a 9am – 5
pm Job with a Monthly Salary of N350,000 and a weekly allowance of N20,000?
No work during wkends & u only have to work half-day on Fridays?
If U’re interested in this Job, Pls contact me with Ur
full details … SO DAT WE CAN LOOK FOR IT 2GEDA…COS
Am also looking for that type JOB:😂😂😂😂😂😂

No valentine’s gifts if the relationship is less than 10 months old.

Boy and girl in restaurant
Boy:I love you
Girl: I don’t love you
Boy: think again BBY
Girl: no no and no
Boy:Waiter bring separate bills📄📄 please
Girl:OK OK ……I love you too bby

The wife checked her husband’s phone and found these names:

– The tender one
– the amazing one
– Lady of my dreams

The wife got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother
, and then called the second number his sister replied back . She dialed the third her own phone rang !!!!

She cried until she got her eyes swollen because she doubted her husband, so she gave him her monthly salary to make up for her sin.
Once his mother knew of the story, she sold her jewelery and gave him the money

The husband took the money and bought a gift for his girlfriend whose name was saved as “Abu Khalid The Electrician” …

Men Men Men!!!!!!

I am starting to think that alcohol percentage
of the Russian Bear it is just there to fool us…
That thing issa 101% alcohol…