People with iPhones can’t send music. They just send a screenshot of them listening to the song. What must we now do? Beatbox!?

Two factory workers are talking.

The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
The man replies, “And how would you do that?”
The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?” The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”
The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.” The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”
The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”

A Man Had Just Boarded And Settled Into His Seat Next To The Window On The Plane,

When Another Man Sat Down In The Aisle Seat And Put His Black Labrador In The Middle Seat Next To The Man.

The First Man Looked Very Quizzically At The Dog And Asked Why The Dog Was Allowed On The Plane.

The Second Man Explained That He Was From The Police Drugs Enforcement Agency And That The Dog Was A ‘Sniffing Dog’.

His Name Is Sniffer And He’s The Best There Is. I’ll Show You Once We Get Airborne, When I Put Him To Work.

The Plane Took Off, And Once It Has Leveled Out, The Policeman Said: “Watch This”

He Told Sniffer To ‘Search’

Sniffer Jumped Down, Walked Along The Aisle, And Finally Sat Very Purposefully Next To A Woman For Several Seconds.

Sniffer Then Returned To His Seat And Put One Paw On The Policeman’s Arm.

The Policeman Said: “Good Boy”

And He Turned To The Man And Said: “That Woman Is In Possession Of Marijuana, I’m Making A Note Of Her Seat Number And The Authorities Will Apprehend Her When We Land”

The First Man Replied: “Gee, That’s Pretty Good”

Once Again, The Policeman Sent Sniffer To Search The Aisles.

The Lab Sniffed About, Sat Down Beside A Man For A Few Seconds, Returned To Its Seat, And This Time He Placed Two Paws On The Agent’s Arm.

The Policeman Said: “Two Paws Mean That Man Is Carrying Cocaine, So Again, I’m Making A Note Of His Seat Number For The Police”

His Seat Mate Said: “I Like It!”

The Policeman Then Told Sniffer To ‘Search’ Again.

Sniffer Walked Up And Down The Aisles For A Little While, Sat Down For A Moment, And Then Came Racing Back To The Agent, Jumped Into The Middle Seat And Proceeded To Shit All Over The Place.

The First Man Was Really Disgusted By This Behaviour And Couldn’t Figure Out How Or Why A Well-Trained Dog Would Behave Like That So He Asked The Policeman: “What’s Going On?”

The Policeman Nervously Replied: “He’s Just Found A Bomb”

If yo wife is sick,don’t rush her to the hospital immediately,send money to her account first,if she doesn’t get well immediately then you can take her to the hospital.Just learnt there’s a new sickness common among women called moneylaria and the best treatment is bank alert

If she rejects you by saying “i don’t date broke niggas”.
My brother just go work hard and fix your broke status.
When she comes back,just tell her “i only date virgins” wait and see how she gonna fix that.

When you’ve already said Goodnight to your girlfriend
–
Boom your crush is online
You’ll be left with no choice but to tell your girlfriend something like
“Babe I’m giving the phone to my little brother now, he wanna chat with his girlfriend”