Other girls🤦 want friends so they can wear their clothes💯
& take selfies!

My wife got stung by a bee on the
forehead.
She’s at the doctor’s now,
her face all swollen and bruised,
she almost died.
Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee
with my shovel.

Dearth Raw💀

Is When You Tell Your Best Friend About How Nice Your Men Is In Bed And She Excidentaly Say “I Know Plus He Is Too Huge”

If you hear your pastor saying “am not going to preach for long”, just cancel all the the plans you had after church

THREE BENEFITS OF CIGARETTES

1. Smokers don’t grow old!

2. Smokers can not be bitten by a dog!!

3. Smokers cannot be attacked by thieves while sleeping.

WHY NOT?
1. Smokers don’t grow old because they will die young due to lung damage, as warned by the Ministry of Health.

2. Smokers won’t be bitten by a dog simply because when their lungs are damaged they have to walk with a stick every time. And dogs fear people with a stick in their hands.

3.Thieves cant break into the house of a smoker at night because smokers are always awake coughing!

If you like these three benefits, keep smoking or start smoking!

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra.He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer Peter replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial lawyers in Australia and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in North Cowra. We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule’.”
The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?”
The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very
slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.”
(I love this part)
The old farmer smiled and said, “Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.”
MORAL:
When you are educated, you’ll believe only half of what you hear.
When you’re intelligent, you’ll know which half