I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in a long time and I
think he mistook me for Jesus…
He was like, ‘ Jesus Christ..is this you?’

Dating someone without matric is not safe,
they might leave you the same way they left school….

Please everyone, I strongly beg you to
stop calling your loved ones names of
cheap things like.. “My Sweety, Honey,
Sugar,Chocolate”.
All these things cost about 2 Rand to 20
Rand, it makes them look cheap.
But names like “My bag of
Rice, My gallon of Oil, My bag of
Cement” .You know then your love will
know that they are expensive.

I Have a Feeling That My Future Wife Needs Airtime

Which Network My Love 😍?

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department – to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in
here.’ One of the Staff passed out.

Dad : “son i just want to let u know that u were adopted”
Ronnie : “hahaha you are kidding, really?”
Dad : “yes, pack your things they are coming to fetch u”

Kissing your Husband while he is asleep is one of the best gestures of love
but African women search pockets instead

God if my future wife is in this page….
please give her a light and a strong signal to see that
im her future hubby and she must inbox me😍😂😂😂😂.

Girls thats your message from future hubby so show up yourself, it might be your lotto

When your friend tells you how good their bae is in bed
and you accidentally say:
“I Know”..!!

I should hv stayed in the womb
i wasn’t paying rent there

Everything is changing, even pregnancy is no
longer 9 months again Somebody will get
married in April & give birth in August

Dear ladies,We don’t cheat, some people just think
they are in a relationship with us!