A teacher went to a hotel, he wanted to see the menu but forgot what it was called, He asked the waiter,”can I see the food syllabus

Dear Future wife….
My salary is our salary…..
your salary is yours alone! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Sezwana

Break ups must be the worst in China,
you’ll see her face everywhere😞

Oh I miss Kam Yung Hoe

ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION!!! Ladies and gentlemen Boys and Girls Brothers and sisters Fathers and Mothers Uncles and aunties Nephews and nieces Doctors and nurses Neighbours and Colleagues Students and graduates. I really don’t have anything to say. Thanks for your attention.

Nyaa gambled with all his university money at the casino before even the end of the first term ,

He calls his father at home. “Dad,” he says, “You won’t believe what modern education is developing into! They actually have a program here in school that will teach our dog, phezukwakhe, how to talk!”

“That’s amazing,” his Dad says. “How do I get Phezukwakhe (the dog) into the program?”

Nyaa smiling said, “Just send him down here with R15 000. “I’ll get him into the course dad.”

So, his father sends the dog and R15000. About two weeks to the end of the first term, Nyaa gambled and ran out of money again

His father called
“So how’s Phezukwakhe doing son?” his father asks.

“Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this, they’ve had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!”

“Read!?” says his father, “No kidding! I’ll love Phekwakhe to read too!”

Nyaa smiling said, “That will be no problem dad. Just send R40000, I’ll get him into the class.”

The money promptly arrives. But Nyaa then had a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read.

So he killed the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

“Where’s Phezukwakhe? I just can’t wait to see him read something and talk!”

“Dad,” Nyaa says, “I have bad news. Yesterday morning, just before we wanted to drive home, Phezukwakhe was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading a Newspaper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, “So, is your daddy still sleeping around with that woman who lives in town?”

The father exclaimed, “I hope you killed that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!

Depression is for students from Uj, Wits, Up and UCT.
The rest of you loves attention.

I invited her to my room now
she’s killing my cockroaches

Sex on the Sabbath*

A man wonders if having *sex* on the *Sabbath* is a sin b’cos he is not sure if sex is *work* or *play.* So he goes to a *priest* & asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the *Bible,* the *priest* says, “My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that *sex* is *work* & is therefore not permitted on *Sabbath.”*

The man thinks: “What does a *priest* know about *sex?”* So he goes to a *minister* who, after all, is a married man & experienced in this matter. He queries the *minister* & receives the same reply. *Sex* is *work* & therefore not for the *Sabbath!*

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a *Rabbi,* a man of thousands of years tradition & knowledge. The *Rabbi* ponders the question, then states, “My son, *sex* is definitely *play.”*

The man replies, *”Rabbi,* how can u be so sure when so many others tell me *sex* is *work?”*

The *Rabbi* softly speaks, “My son, if *sex* were *work,* *wives* would definitely make their *maids* do it for them.

In secondary school, I was very poor in maths. During exams, I’d get between 2% and 8%. The results used to be announced sequentially, that is from the lowest to the highest marks. So I would always be the first or second to be called out.
One day, the maths results were announced and my name wasn’t among the first to be called out. The teacher got to 30%, 40%, 50%, 60% and 70%, still my paper had not been called out. Everyone in the class kept looking at me asking, “Guy what…’s up? How did you pass this exam?”
By the time the teacher got to 80%, I was already grinning in excitement. When he got to 90%, he had only one paper remaining. I then asked myself, could I have scored 90% in maths? I was feeling very anxious and happy now. I thought my dreams have been answered. The whole class was amazed as everyone kept looking at me. It was unbelievable. Finally the teacher looked up and said, “A stupid student here did not write his name on the paper and he scored 0%. If you have not received your paper come and get it now!”

When u try to apologize to your 2001 girlfriend
Babe I’m so sorry
Her:mxm Buzz off ….dont talk to me talk to my lawyer

My relationship is doing well
and
I’m thinking of opening another BRANCH

Marriage is a workshop,
where the husband works and the wife shops