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A policeman searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs.
“It’s not my fault,” I said, “Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again.”
“Do you really expect me to believe that?” he laughed.
I said, “I’ll prove it to you if you want me to!”
“Go on then.” he smiled, handing me the bag.
After flushing them, he looked at me and said, “Well, show me your pocket then.”
“What for?” I asked.
He said, “The drugs.”
I said, “What drugs?”

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Why Did I Get Divorced ?

Well , Last Week Was My Birthday

My wife didn’t Wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday.

As I entered my office, my secretary said:”Happy birthday, Boss “I felt so special.

She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, She invited me to her apartment.

We went there and she said,”Do You Mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute !?”

“Okay”, I said . She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake , My wife , my parents, my kids, my friends , and my colleagues all Yelling ,” Suprise !!!” While I Was Waiting On Sofa ….Naked

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*Sweet mistake*
I wanted to send sms to my wife dat ‘I love you’.
I mistakenly sent it to my landlady. She responded “I’ve been holding myself for too long, I love you too. Please kindly stop paying rent.”

..What should I do?

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This message can’t be viewed because
you are using a cheap cellphone…

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Familie*The Kasama Brothel*

The madam opened the brothel door in Kasama and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties.

“May I help you sir?” she asked.

“I want to see Mwansa,” the man replied.

“Sir, Mwansa is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else”, said the madam.

“No, I must see Mwansa,” he replied.
Just then, Mwansa appeared and announced to the man she charged K5000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand Kwacha and gave it to Mwansa, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Mwansa. Mwansa explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was so expensive.
There were no discounts. The price was still K5000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Mwansa, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Mwansa and they went upstairs.

After their session, the man asked Mwansa to sign a receipt that she had received K15000. She was astonished nevertheless signed on the receipt and said to the man, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row and for sure this is the first time anyone has asked me to sign a receipt. Where are you from?”

The man replied, “Chipata.”

“Really”, she said. “I have family in Chipata.”

“I know.” the man said.
“Your sister died, and I’m her solicitor. I was instructed to deliver you K15,000 inheritance in person.”

Three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Being screwed by a lawyer
3. Wise men come from the east.
********************
If you have any question ask me
Another wiseman
😂😂😂😂

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Taxi was full,so this female nurse wearing uniform didn’t hv a seat,other man offered her to sit on top of him,this guy wanted to start conversation,are you nurse? Asked the guy, yes hw did you know?your uniform!
Then the nurse asked the guy;are you mechanic, the guy was surprised, yes I am how did you know, your jerk is jerking me

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Don’t Be Ashamed Of Your Hustle,
Nobody Will feed you, If You Go Broke

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People be saying weed is strong and
I just smoked weed,so I don’t feel nothing…

Anyway happy valentines day to everyone..

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Mama: Baby say ”mama”
Baby: M… Ma–
Mama: Omg you can do it baby! Just say ”ma…ma”
Baby: M…Ma…Mark Zuckerberg.

Kaway- kaway sa nasendang ng “I’m mark….” Fake new yan mga tol haha

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Me : so you the One dating ma Ex Gf
.
Him : Yeah man . Why ?
.
Me : I’m eating Pizza now , Do you want
left overs too

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Did you know that you can talk about being a proud young mom without mentioning those that terminated their pregnancy.❤
~•~
Talk about being educated without mentioning those that dropped out.
Let’s try this, let’s not shine through others.💯

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When your family finally accepts that you
are a whore
They will be like
”Please bring pizza when you’re back

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Don’t worry! Put your trust in only Allah (s.w.t) and Everything else is gonna be fine.
.
Your sister in Islam.

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When Your Crush Breaks Up With Her Boyfriend And
Hits You With A “Hey Stranger”🙆

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