*I think 🤔we have to start removing some people from this App,
especially those who can’t: reed, spale, or spick gud Engilis

A: Why are you late? B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
A: Thats nice. Were you helping him look for it?
B: No, I was standing on it.

Stop Complaining about fake friends. You are old now. Go to work, stay at home, eat, watch TV, read a book and sleep.
You will never hear rumours that the fridge and microwave were gossiping about you.

On Monday, I asked my wife for R200 to go for a drink since it was a holiday. Truly speaking I’m that one guy who doesn’t like bathing.
So my wife said she will give me that 200 but on one condition.
She said go and bath I have already put some warm water in the bath,
I went there and took some Vaseline and did my own things. I didn’t bath, and then rush back to where she was sitting with our kids.
And I said I’m done bathing may you please give me the money so that I can go?
To my surprise they all started laughing at me and one of my kids said *”Lol Dad you didn’t bath because the money is just under the soap”

As Long As I Bought The Weed With My Own Money,
No One Will Stop Me From Wearing SunGlasses At Night

All slim girls please gather here, I need a new broom.

A woman went shopping. At the cash counter, she opened her purse to pay.

The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse.
He could not control his curiosity and asked,

“Do you always carry your TV remote with you?😕”

She replied ” No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me shopping today because of football match, so I took the remote.”

*Moral: Accompany and support your wife in her hobbies…..*🙍🙍🙍🙍🙍🙍🙍

The story continues….😏

The cashier laughed and then returned all the items that lady had purchased. Shocked at this act, she asked the cashier what he was doing.

He said, “your husband has blocked your credit card……….”😲😲😲😲😲😲

*MORAL: Always respect the hobbies of your husband.*😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒

Story continues….

Wife took out her husband’s credit card from purse and swiped it. Unfortunately he didn’t block his own card.

*Moral: Don’t underestimate the power and wisdom of your WIFE..*

Story continues…

After swiping, the machine indicated, ‘ENTER THE PIN SENT TO YOUR MOBILE PHONE’…….

*Moral: When a man tends to lose, the machine is smart enough to save him!*

Story continues….

She smiled to herself and reached out for the mobile which rang in her purse.

It was her husband’s phone showing the forwarded SMS.

She had taken it with the remote control so he doesn’t call her during her shopping.

She bought her items and returned home happily.

*Moral: Don’t underestimate a desperate woman!*😷😷😷😷😷

Story continues….

On getting home, his car was gone.😈😈😈😈😈

A note was pasted on the door

“Couldn’t find the remote. Gone out with the boys to watch the premiership match. Will be home late. Call me on my phone if you need something”.😇😇😇😇

Damn!!… He left with the house key too.

😂😂😂😂

*Moral: Don’t try to control your husband.
You will always lose

A man was walking
down the street when he was
accosted by a particularly dirty
and shabby-looking homeless
man who asked him for a couple
of cash for dinner.
The man took out his wallet,
extracted 1k and asked, “If I give
you this money, will you buy
some beer with it instead of
dinner?”
“No, I had to stop drinking years
ago,” the homeless man replied.
“Will you use it to go fishing
instead of buying food?” the man
asked.
“No, I don’t waste time fishing,”
the homeless man said. “I spend
all my time trying to stay alive.”
“Will you spend this on green
fees at a golf course instead of
food?” the man asked.
“Are you NUTS!” replied the
homeless man. “I haven’t played
golf in 20 years!”
“Will you spend the money on a
woman in the red light district
instead of food?” the man asked.
“What disease would I get for
1k?” exclaimed the homeless
man.
“Well,” said the man, “I’m not
going to give you the money.
Instead,
I’m going to take you home for a
terrific dinner cooked by my
wife.”
The homeless man was
astounded.
“Won’t your wife be furious with
you for doing that? I know I’m
dirty and I probably smell pretty
disgusting.”
The man replied, “That’s okay.
It’s important for her to see what
a man looks like after he has
given up beer, fishing, golf and
sex.”

Decade = 10 years
Century = 100 years
Millennium = 1,000 years
A girl tells you we will be Together forever = 1month

Wife: Bbe borrow me your phone i want to play candy crush
Husband: (gave her)
After 5 minutes
Wife: Bbe who’s Mbali?
Husband: Which level is that!