A customer walked into a bar and said, “I’ll have a pint of less, please.”
“Less?” queried the bartender. “What’s that?”
“I don’t know either,” said the customer, “but my doctor told me to drink less.”
Loading views...
Sub Categories
One evening last week, my wife and I were
getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat
up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I
just want you to hold me.”
I said, “WHAT?!! What was that?!”
So she says the words that every husband on
the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional
needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your
physical needs as a man.” She responded to my
puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the
bedroom?”
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that
night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of
work to spend time with her. We went out to a
nice lunch and then went shopping at a big
department store. I walked around with her
while she tried on several different very
expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which
one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new
clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each
outfit.”
We went on to the jewellery department where
she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. She
was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think
she was testing me because she asked for a
tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know
how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s
fine, honey.” She was so excited.
Smiling with anticipation, she finally said, “I
think this is all dear, let’s go to the cashier.”
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted
out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw
dropped, “WHAT?”
I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD
this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch
with my financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”
And just when she had this look like she was
going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just
love me for who I am and not for the things I
buy you?
Loading views...
Sometimes God sends an ex back into your life to see if you’re still stupid.
Loading views...
I was In town this morning when
Japanese man approached me. ” please….
Can you take ” he said.” Handing me a
camera. As he stood against the wall
smiling.I got into a taxi an thought, “what
a nice guy”.
Loading views...
Success is not the key to happiness.
Happiness is the key to success.
If you love what you are doing,
you will be successful.
Loading views...
(Be careful and wise). One day i was just sitting in my room relaxing, i heard my phone rings, it was unknowing number from outside the country. I answered hello nigga, the (guy) fine nigga. Am Jerry calling from London, i my speaking to Eto’o? I said no because i don’t know anyone called Jerry from London. The (guy) oh, but this is Eto’o phone number? I said yes but Eto’o is also in London living noba 30th titi ohji ohle av street, you can reach him there in London. The (guy) oh, oh, Ohoo, London far. Abeg when he come back home, tell him i called from Lagos with international number okay. Hahaha, mugu maga.
Loading views...
NEVER say all he wanted was sex when all you offered was only sex
Have you ever tried to give him money and he refused it?!
Loading views...
A couple decided that the only way to have a quickie while their ten-year- old son was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was going on in the neighborhood. So the boy stood on the balcony and reported on everything that was happening. “A police car has just called at the Hamilton’s’ house, the Chandlers are taking delivery of a new wardrobe, and the Mitchell’s are having sex.” Hearing this, the boy’s parents shot bolt upright. “How do you know the Mitchells are having sex?” “Because their kid is standing on the balcony too.”
Loading views...
A woman’s cleavage is like the sun…
>
You can look but its dangerous to stare
Loading views...
Rainbow came back home & found his wife
crying
Rainbow:What’s wrong dear?
Wife:Your son called me a bitch
Rainbow:Mxm I’m gonna kill that son of a
bitch
Loading views...
When your heart is healed and you hear him say ′′ hey you!”
Loading views...
Some Girl’s Don’t Even Own A Car But Love Saying ‘Stay In Your Lane’
AyA! You Must Stay On The Pavement..
Loading views...
It’s okay to not be okay, but please don’t let it overtake you. It’s okay to be sad for a while, but please don’t let it break you. You are stronger than the hurt. Please.
Loading views...
Stop being available for people who only remember u when they need something from u.
Loading views...
I really don’t know what this World is turning into…
Just few days ago I laid my hands on you nd
today you are no more Rest in Peace My November Salary
Loading views...
If ur boyfriend has time for u during the night…
U are dating a mosquito 😱😱
Loading views...